Let People Help You

Last week was, shall we say, not the best.

I mentioned in a previous post that I had the flu last week, which I don't think I've had before and it was so awful. I don't know if it was more the flu itself or the fact that I was 37 weeks pregnant or a combination (probably a combination), but I felt completely miserable.

While that was going on, Jordan got whipped in the eye with a giant piece of wire at work and had to go to the emergency room and then see an eye doctor. For two days he couldn't see, and I had to lead him around the house like he was a blind person. I got cold rags for his eye and gave him his antibiotic drops, and I had the flu, so it's not like I was feeling 100% myself. A few people told me that they were surprised how well I was taking it, but honestly I  just kept laughing because it was so ridiculous.

R also spent a full day throwing up on Wednesday, and once was in the car with me when I was headed home from picking up my Tamiflu prescription. I think it was a random virus thing, and she was okay the next day, but I called my mom in actual hysterics while R was sitting in the backseat covered in vomit. That part I did not laugh about. I think we can all agree that vomit is never funny.

My personality is not one to suffer silently. I texted our family and friends about me having the flu and R throwing up and Jordan's eye, and I asked for prayer and vented because I'm a verbal processor and not an entirely private person. Some people are not those things, and it's uncomfortable for them to let others know when they are having a hard time. Neither way is wrong, just different, and to be honest I sometimes wonder if people think of me as a dramatic person or annoying for being so outgoing and open.

Jordan and I are extremely blessed with a really supportive and loving community. I know not everyone has that, and it's something I try not to take for granted. Jordan's mom was immediately open to helping out, taking the kids to stay at their house so they could hopefully avoid catching the flu from me. She drove Jordan to his eye doctor appointment because he couldn't drive himself, and I was still contagious and didn't feel like getting out of the house even if I could have.

Friends texted and asked what they could do for us. I had someone drop off a vanilla shake (totally hit the spot because my throat was aching so bad from all the coughing); another friend brought over a frozen lasagna and two cans of soup (so awesome because for a few days the sinus pressure made my jaw lock up and I could hardly open my mouth to chew anything). Another friend brought over some Gatorade (which Jordan and I both enjoyed since I was tired of just drinking water). Jordan's mom picked up a few things at the store for us and brought us leftover chicken tacos she'd made for dinner.

Gift giving is my top love language. I love sending mail, thinking of the perfect present for birthdays and Christmas, and showing people I'm thinking about them with the offer of a gift, big or small. I'm not in any way trying to pat myself on the back or ask for praise. I'm just saying that for me, gifts are  a way I love others, and receiving gifts is a way I feel loved myself.

I've found over the years that it can sometimes be hard to get people to accept help. I definitely think it helps to be specific (when this week can I bring you dinner? is much better than an ambiguous let me know if you need dinner.), but even then, people often say no. And as the person reaching out, this makes me sad! I'm asking because I do want to help. I want to bring you something. I want to make you feel loved and supported. When people say no, I think, Just let me do something, anything! 

But after last week, I have to say, I get it.

It's not uncommon to set up a meal train after someone has a baby or offer to bring a meal when someone comes home from the hospital after having surgery. That seems worthy of attention. But, honestly, I felt silly having a friend bring me a shake or soup just because I was sick. I felt like a problem asking Jordan's mom to watch my kids all week or pick him up to take him to the doctor. I felt like a whiner telling my friends about how bad I was feeling and how worried I was about Jordan's eye (he's mostly recovered! such an answer to prayer!).

I was so, so grateful for the support, but I felt like I was just being a problem.

I realized that's probably why people say no when someone offers to help. It's easier to say no than feel like a burden. You convince yourself that they didn't really want to help anyway, that they are just asking to be nice, and that you should be able to handle this on your own.

And sure, I could have handled last week on my own. I wasn't going to die if I didn't have a vanilla shake. I have things in my house I could have eaten other than soup. I could have gotten out and driven Jordan to the eye doctor by myself if there was no one else around. I technically didn't "need" anyone's help, but I'm glad I said yes.

Let people help you. That's what I learned last week.

It's vulnerable and awkward, but it also builds friendships and inspires community. Life isn't always easy, but I think we often make it harder than it has to be because we aren't always great at asking for or accepting help. 

There's a balance, of course. I don't want to be (I hope I'm not) the kind of person, the kind of friend, who is always complaining and negative about everything. We are all struggling, and we shouldn't be a burden to others by constantly asking for help over and over again. 

But it's okay that sometimes it's just nice when someone stops by with a can of Campbell's soup and a bar of chocolate. It doesn't mean you're failing at life. It just means that you're sick and soup sounds really good and you don't happen to have any in your house.

Checking In

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I feel like my blog is one of those friends you've known so long that you don't have to talk regularly, but whenever you do talk you can pick right back up as though no time has passed. Of course, I realize it might not feel that way to you, but it does to me. Did you know I started this blog in May 2010? It's been almost nine years of blogging!

Speaking of things that have been going on a long time, Jordan and I met in January 2009, and last month he reminded me that we've known each other now for a whole decade. We started dating in the summer of 2009! We both have said that sometimes we wish we had met when we were younger so that we could have gotten married earlier and had kids when we were younger (I had R when I was 29 and J when I was 30), but also you can't help when you meet someone, and just thinking about all the things that had to happen basically throughout our entire lives for me to end up in Oklahoma and for us to meet at all blows my mind a little bit. But anyway, that actually has nothing to do with what I was planning to write this post about! ha.

We've had a really hard time in the evenings with R for the past year or so, which has been a contributing factor in my lack of blogging, because I just don't have the time. She will not stay in her room and go to sleep, and we keep having to try new things to see if this or that will work better---earlier bedtime, later bedtime, lying in her bed with her, shutting the door, leaving the door open, a light-up clock... I'm so not patient, and a lot of parenting seems to be trial and error, which annoys me.

Also annoying? Toddlers who make up the most ridiculous reasons to come out of bed 85 times before finally going to sleep!

At the beginning of February I flew to Saint Louis and had a girls' weekend with 2 friends of mine from college. There were supposed to be 4 of us, but our other friend's son got sick at the very last minute, so she wasn't able to come. We stayed at my friend Lauren's house, and our other friend drove down with her daughter from Chicago. I left the kids with Jordan and flew in Saturday morning and came back Monday night. We hadn't seen each other in over a year and a half (maybe close to two years even!), and it was so nice to have friend time with people who know you so well. I even took my running clothes and got in an hour run while I was there, which is good because I have a half marathon coming up at the end of April and need to get some long runs in.

On Valentine's Day, I bribed them with candy hearts to sit still for a picture. R played her part well, but J still doesn't totally get the concept of bribery so it went about as well as I could have hoped. Don't even say they are getting so big because THEY ARE NOT. They are still babies. Thank you.

My mom mailed two books to our house that arrived on Valentine's Day, one for R and one for J. I hadn't heard of either book, but they are super cute! It was perfect since I didn't have anything to give them, and R was excited. No, I don't do Valentine's baskets. Or Easter baskets, for that matter. I'm not against it, but I'm also cheap and not that on top of life at the moment to put together a cutesy gift for my kids for the Holiday of the Month. Next people are going to start doing St. Patrick's Day baskets. Actually that's probably already a thing.

Since I probably won't blog again for months, I feel like I need to keep going while I have you. What else... oh, I finally got the America's Test Kitchen cookie cookbook for Christmas from Jordan and have made a few things from it. The recipe is, as expected, amazingly specific. Things like, whisk for 30 seconds, let batter rest for 1 minute. Repeat 2 more times. But my cookies have come out looking exactly like the picture in the book! It's been fun to branch outside my usual Tollhouse recipe ;)

R built this tower last weekend completely on her own. As in, Jordan and I helped in no way. We don't have any other 3-year-old buildings to compare to, but we felt like this was showcasing some impressive architectural skills. Her daycare teachers have always said that she's really smart, so it's not just us being biased!

I suppose I could keep going, but I'll stop for now. I did want to check in and let you know that we are all alive, and no, I'm not pregnant. Not that anyone has asked, but in the blog world when someone disappears for a while, it's not unusual for them to come back and announce something. Nothing to see over here, people! Just working full time and trying to fit in all the things in the short time I have in the evenings after we finally get R down (J is so easy for the most part!). How it's the middle of February already I have no idea. Thanks so much if you're still hanging around to read these posts of mine!

When You Don't Know What to Say

Last week, a dear friend of mine received some very sad news that she had lost the sweet baby she was carrying. It is her story, not mine, so that's all I am going to say about it specifically, but for me personally, it's been hard. This comes a few days after reading Steph's post about losing her baby; Rachel blogged about losing her baby this past fall, and Cassie shared about hers last summer.

Those, of course, aren't the only ones. With statistics like these, I'm sure we all have known someone who has had a miscarriage. This is hard for me for obvious reasons being that I am currently 22 weeks pregnant but also because I am just so incredibly sad for my friend.

This post is not about how to comfort a friend after miscarriage, because I don’t really know how to do that yet. This post is about what to do when you don't know what to say. Because I understand even more now why it's hard. Everything sounds trite and cliche. You want to be sensitive and not accidentally say something hurtful, but you also don't want to say nothing.

And I just really don't want to say nothing.

I had written a few posts for this week already, but I just can't move on with normal content yet. I've gone back and forth about it, but it just doesn't feel right. I know everyone handles grief differently, so each situation, each person, is unique, and what one person finds comforting might not be so for someone else. But I thought about what I would say even when I don't know what to say, and I decided to share it here.

I by no means am any kind of expert at comforting a friend going through something like this, and I freely admit that I don't always know the right thing to say. In fact, a lot of times I say the entirely wrong thing. But I hope this is a comfort in some small way to my friends, both those close and dear to me and those I only know online.

* * *

Dear friend,

I’m heartbroken over your loss, and I’m so terribly sorry.

I don’t know whether you told a lot of people about this baby yet or only a few, but no matter how many knew about this tiny life, I want you to know that this baby was very much loved and very much wanted.

You didn’t get to officially meet this baby, and I know that you wanted to so badly. But that in no way makes this baby any less real or this loss any less significant.

I want to give you space but also hold you close. However this process of grief looks for you, that is the right way, and I will do my best to support you in whatever way you need.

I'm here if you want to talk and I'm also here if you don't. Know that I'm going to check in on you, but don't feel pressure to respond to my calls and texts unless you want to.

And if you want to talk, I’m here too. I promise to try not to say any of those unhelpful things people sometimes say when they are trying to be comforting after a loss, and I want you to promise to tell me if I accidentally say or do something hurtful.

I want you to know that God is very much saddened by your loss. (If you need proof, look no further than Jesus grieving the loss of his friend Lazarus. It is the shortest verse in the Bible: John 11:35, "Jesus wept.") I always find it a comforting thought that God is never surprised, and nothing has ever happened or will ever happen that God doesn’t already know about. But that doesn't stop me from wondering why certain things happen. 

Because honestly, I hate this.

God is faithful, and he is good; but sometimes he doesn’t seem good at all, and it's okay to be sad and it's okay to be angry. Those feelings are normal, and God is not offended by them.

I am praying for you, dear friend. Praying for peace, for healing, and for your marriage as you walk this journey together.

Most of all, I don’t want you to feel alone. I can imagine it might feel like you are very much alone right now, but we all loved this baby, and we all love you very much. I know you won't forget about this baby, and please know that I won't either.

I'm here for you.
I love you.

Love,

Your Friend

*I thought about turning the comments off, but I think it would be good to allow response. Whether or not you have experienced a loss of this kind or been the friend trying to comfort, please feel free to share your story. I think it's important that those going through something like this know they are not alone, and I personally would like more dialogue in general about how specifically a friend can be a comfort during this time. Thanks for reading.

How to Support Working Moms

image via Death to the Stock Photo

“As a stay-at-home mom, how can I support working moms?”

This was a question that was asked on the blog survey I did last year, and it is really thoughtful that someone would ask this. It's easy to feel so alone as a working mom. A few weeks ago I was feeling really sad about being at work and missing R, and I looked on Instagram (first mistake) and literally saw four pictures in a row of SAHMs snuggling their babies or playing with their kids. Cue me texting Jordan six sad crying faces.

The topic of being a working mom or a stay-at-home mom can be a very touchy thing, so I’ve gone back and forth about how to word this post so it doesn’t come across as offensive or whiny or anything like that.

I should say first that I know that my experience will not be everyone’s experience. 

Some people don’t struggle with working, so they might not even feel like they need support at all. (Although I would say that’s not true because we all need support!) But I will say that for me, working full time outside the home and being a mom is very challenging, and I personally don’t feel like there are many people writing or talking about it.

Not to imply that mine is the only voice or even that everything I say applies across the board for all working moms. Certainly it doesn’t, and I know that. But hopefully those of you reading who are working moms can relate to some of what I write and feel not so alone in the daily rush of our various roles inside and outside the home. And I hope this post in particular will offer some insight into ways those of you who are not working moms can support and validate the struggles of those of us who are.

12 Months of Meals: A Practice in Generosity

image via

In January 2016, I set a goal to take a meal to one person or family every month for the entire year. I had never had someone bring a meal to me until after I had R in August 2015, and I realized how wonderful it was to know that someone was going to come to my house and drop off food for my family that I didn't have to prepare or clean up after. 

I was thinking about it and realized that people really only bring meals after a loss or a baby or a major surgery, but no one ever offers to bring a meal for no reason other than it just being a busy Thursday. But life can be busy and hard even without a major life event, and I thought about how nice it would be if someone would do something like that for me. So I decided to make it a goal to do that for 12 people last year.

I wasn't sure if I wanted to share about this on the blog, because I realize that writing about it can sound very self-serving and a "look at how nice I am" kind of thing. Please understand that is not at all the point. However, working on this goal throughout 2016 was really inspiring for me and opened my eyes to ways in which I can be more generous to the people around me in a small but meaningful way, and I wanted to share with you what I learned and how the process went in case you want to try something like this yourself this year!

Choosing Someone to Bring a Meal To

As I said before, the entire point of this was to bring a meal to someone outside of the usual reasons (loss, baby, surgery); however, two friends did have a baby last year and we brought them a meal, so I counted that toward my meal for the month. In all the other cases, Jordan and I talked specifically about who we thought might be most blessed by a meal that month. (Also note: I always got takeout of some kind. I never brought a homemade meal! I'm sure I could have gotten ambitious, but takeout seemed perfectly fine and would have been fine with me had the situation been reversed and someone was bringing me a meal.)

We did not plan out our 12 meals in advance but simply took it month by month. One month I brought a meal to some friends who had recently moved. Moving is stressful, and you don't always have all your pots and pans and dishes available, so we thought having someone drop off dinner would be helpful. Another month we brought a meal to some friends who had had a sick baby for a couple of days. One month I was so busy it skipped my mind to bring someone a meal, so on the last day of November I paid for the person in the drive-through behind me at Chick-fil-A. One month we brought dinner to a family we knew was just really busy that week.

Setting it Up 

Obviously it wouldn't work to just show up randomly with dinner. Who knows if they already had plans or would even be home?

Once we decided who we wanted to bring a meal to, I contacted them on a weekend either through text or a Facebook message (if it wasn't someone I was super close with) and said something like, "Jordan and I set a goal to bring a meal to someone every month this year. We wanted to bring a meal to you guys this week. What day would work best for you?" This seemed to work out well because once people knew that this was a personal goal we had set and they were they people we were choosing that month, they didn't feel as weird accepting our offer and didn't brush it off like "Oh that's nice but we're okay thanks." I wasn't asking if we could bring a meal over. I was telling them that I was going to bring a meal. 

And instead of setting an arbitrary date three weeks into the future, I asked them specifically what day next week worked best. Then I asked what food they would like and just to text or message me their order. That also worked well because it was an immediate contact and response, so neither of us would forget.

What I Learned

You wouldn't think making time to set up one meal a month would be hard, but it was actually a struggle sometimes to either remember to pick someone and contact them or find the time to actually get a meal and bring it over. It got easier as the year went on, and it was honestly so much fun to be able to bless people in this way. Picking up takeout and driving it over to someone's house did cost me some money and a little bit of time, but doing it once only made me want to do it again and again. Doing the 12 months of meals was an easy way to practice a spirit of generosity with our money. It helped me to remember that my money was given to me by God and it's not mine to hold onto. 

Doing this also helped us to be more aware of the needs of our friends and those around us. Because we were intentionally looking for someone who would be especially blessed by a random meal, we were more aware of just how busy and hectic people's lives are. Every time we would offer to bring a meal, it surprised me how much people have going on and how helpful a meal really would be. 

I picked up two take-and-bake pizzas for a couple friend of ours who have a 2-year-old. My friend works long shifts as a nurse in the ER, and the night I brought food over she had to stay especially late. She texted me later to thank me for bringing pizza and said how awesome it was to have dinner to just stick in the oven when she got home so she could spend that time before bed with her daughter. As a working mom myself, I was like I CAN RELATE AMEN SISTER. So you can imagine that made me happy.

Looking Forward to 2017

We have decided to continue our 12 months of meals in 2017. It really has blessed me to be able to serve others in this small way, and it has opened my eyes a bit to the needs of those around me in a way I wouldn't have if I hadn't been looking for it. This was mainly my idea, and I'm usually the one contacting people and setting up the meal dropoff, but Jordan is 100% on board, and I love that we talk together to decide who to give a meal to. It makes it feel like a service we are doing together as a couple. I like too that as R gets older she can be part of it. 

I really do hope that this post doesn't come across as just me waxing on about how generous we are. I'm just really excited about being able to complete our meal goal last year and wanted to share what I learned. And I thought that maybe this might inspire you to drop off a random meal with a friend this year! 

Try it. It's really fun :)

Instead, Let There Be Thanksgiving

Last week it snowed for a hot minute and of course everyone freaked out. Oklahoma is famously confused about the weather. Two weeks ago R was frolicking about in the leaves, over the weekend we had snow, today it was in the upper 50s, and it's supposed to be highs in the 60s on Christmas Day, so basically I just don't know how to dress anymore.

December has been really busy for us, like it seems to be for a lot of people. We haven't even had that many parties to go to, so I'm not entirely sure what has been keeping us so busy, but I just feel like December has flown by. Two weekends ago we took R to North Pole City to pick out our Christmas ornament. Jordan and I have gone every December since we got married and chosen an ornament for our tree. I write the year on the back or bottom of the ornament so we can remember when we got them, and it's pretty much our only standing tradition. 

Last year was the first time to take R as a four-month-old, and let me tell you: carrying an infant in the Ergo is a whole different ballgame from chasing an infant around. That girl is crazy and into everything. It was hilarious and exhausting. I did manage to capture this family selfie.

R and I drove downtown one Saturday to meet a friend at the pop-up shops. Every December, local businesses host "pop-up shops" in these white domes they set up in the middle of downtown. They have music and there's a Christmas tree lot and food trucks and hot chocolate. It's one of my favorite things. R and my friend's daughter are about the same age, and the four of us sat and drank hot chocolate and ate mini donuts and it was so fun!

I've been trying to make an effort to hang out with people more. I am a social person who likes conversation (shocker, I know), and this year I've found myself craving in-person friendships beyond the texts and calls that pass back and forth between my very best friends who unfortunately live far away. It's also fun to see R actually starting to interact with other kids. A few days ago, I dropped her off at daycare and a little boy immediately ran up and said, "Hi, R---" and gave her a big smile and I nearly fell over. Cutest thing ever. Although I wonder what they think when all they get in return is a blank stare. We need to work on learning to say hello.

Jordan and I went on a date at the beginning of the month, our third since our anniversary in May. We have never been very good at dating, even before having a baby, but I do always enjoy when we get out for the evening. And then just this past weekend, we ended up going to see Rogue One at the last minute. Jordan's mom offered to watch R, and some other friends were already going, so we joined them and it was fun! I probably wouldn't be a Star Wars person, but I happen to be married to someone who loves them so I basically have no choice. It makes me happy to see him getting all geeked out about it, and trust me he geeked hard over the ending of this one.

There have also been some hard things too this month that have really been weighing on my heart, both on an international and national level. Closer to home, I have friends going through some really hard times with illnesses of family members, divorce, jobs, and a host of other things. And even on a more personal level, I've been struggling with a few things that have made it hard sometimes to feel very Christmasy. I'm sure some of you can relate. And yet, it's been such a good year too, with so much laughter and joy, and there are so many things to be thankful for.

And speaking of thankfulness, I think I found my verse for 2017. Someone mentioned it during a discussion at church on Sunday, and I immediately felt like it was one I wanted to memorize and try to live intentionally next year.

Ephesians 5:4 - "Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving."

There is a lot of foolish talk and crude joking on social media these days, and I don't want to have any part of that. And even more, I need and want to work on not having foolish talk in my own home regarding things I read or see online or things other people are doing. I know some people don't have a problem with this, but it's something I struggle with.

Instead, let there be thanksgiving.

For a quarter-inch of snow and mini donuts and Star Wars. For sunrises and sunsets. For conversations with good friends. And most of all, this Christmas, for Emmanuel, God with us. For grace upon grace, mercy without end.

Lamentations 3:22-24 - "For the steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning. Great is your faithfulness. The Lord is my portion, says my soul. Therefore I will hope in him."

If I don't see you (virtually speaking, of course) until after Christmas, I hope you have a joyous one! 

*And here are a few posts I want to write for the end of the year/beginning of next year just so you know what's on my radar: Final book review roundup of 2016 / 2016 by the Numbers / Quick-start budgeting tips for 2017 / 2017 Goals / Things I'm excited about for pregnancy #2 / How to support working moms

Farting Dragon and Killing Plants

1. So I was sitting at work earlier this week, and I got the above text from Jordan. You can understand why after that I basically couldn't focus on anything for the rest of the afternoon. The suspense was killing me. I'm really glad I have someone in my life who feels comfortable sharing these types of moments with me. #blessed (In case you were wondering, it was a typical boy story involving farts. Yes, we're thirty.)

2. Usually one day a week, R takes a day off from daycare and spends the day with her grandma (my mother-in-law). I like that they can have one-on-one time, and I like that she gets a break from daycare. I also like that I sometimes get pictures of her playing during the day, which I don't get when she's at daycare. Yesterday they went to the park, and my sister-in-law took this picture of R. Look at my little walker! I think baby jackets with ears might just be the cutest thing ever.

3. Last Saturday, I drove to Tulsa to spend the day with a friend. I even left R at home! You guys know how special our Saturdays together are, but I hadn't seen this friend in a while and I felt it was important to go see her and have some girl time. My friend is single, which I only mention because I often hear people talk about how hard it is to maintain friendships with people in other stages of life, especially once you become a mom. I know I'm still in the early stages of motherhood, and I know things will only get busier for me, but at this point in my life I feel like I have built some strong friendships and I want to do what I can to keep them.

My friend and I went on a long walk, where I snapped the picture above. It was such a wonderfully fall kind of day, and we had a great time together! Plus I think it was good for R and Jordan to get some quality time.

4. I bought some mums at Lowe's last week. I was all excited because purple! Mums! Fall! It's been a week, and they are dying a sad and slow death. I suck at keeping things alive. I once killed a succulent once. A SUCCULENT. And don't even talk to me about my basil. What am I doing wrong? I'm watering them, I'm giving them love and support in their mum life. I have 99 problems and killing plants is at least 3 of them.

I hope you all have a wonderful weekend! I'll be cheering on my Cubs and maybe finishing up the book I'm currently reading (Secrets of a Charmed Life by Susan Meissner). Don't miss the giveaway for $100 of credit to use at Minted (see yesterday's post), and next week I'm hosting a giveaway for a pair of Freshly Picked moccasins, so be sure and come back!

Meet Me in Saint Louis

Two weekends ago, I took R with me to Saint Louis for a girls’ weekend. We met up with three college friends, two of whom each have a daughter they brought along. These were her 10th and 11th plane flights!

Now, I say that, but I don’t want you to get the wrong idea. At least three of her flights were due to cancellations that caused layovers and basically just terrible traveling experiences. I paid for half of this most recent trip with Southwest points. After 6 years of being a rewards member, I had earned enough for a one-way flight to Saint Louis, which is one of the cheapest tickets we can get out of OKC unless we want to go to Atlanta, which is randomly super cheap. Clearly I am not letting my rewards status work for me. Who are you people who pay for tickets to Europe with miles? Don’t talk to me.

R was, as usual, such a fun traveling companion, and she did great on both flights! On our way there, the plane was only half full and we got an entire row to ourselves. Apparently after nine flights I’ve gotten so casual about flying with a baby that I didn’t feel the need (read: I forgot) to pack any extra clothes, pacifiers, wipes, or burp rags in my carry-on. But I had snacks! Thankfully she didn’t need a diaper change or have a poop explosion, or I would have had a really awesome story to share on the blog about how I borrowed an airplane blanket to use as a diaper.

I made sure to be better prepared for the flight home, which was good because it was a full flight and I had to sit next to a young twenty-something wearing a black dress, thick gray tights, and combat boots who I could tell was very excited about sharing a row with a baby. Seriously, R was giving her all the cute smiles she had and all we got were blank stares in return before Twenty-Something pulled the hood of her jacket over her eyes and passed out on the tray table. Kids these days.

While the flight attendant was telling us all about oxygen masks and using our seats as flotation devices for our emergency water landing between Oklahoma and Missouri, I started to smell something bad. I did a quick check and realized that poop was *this close* to coming out the side of R’s diaper. I quickly grabbed a diaper and wipes and ran down the aisle toward the bathroom at the front of the plane. 

The flight attendant told me to be quick because we were about to take off. R did not like the tiny airplane changing table and instantly let me know about it. I was so flustered that I completely ripped off the tab of the fresh diaper and had no choice but to hold the side down and push her pants back on.

We got side-eyed by every single person on the plane as we made our way back to Row 22. While getting back in the seat, R wacked Twenty-Something in the head with her foot and then pulled hard on her blonde braid, forever dooming our otherwise budding friendship.

Thankfully, that was the most exciting part of the trip. R fell asleep within seconds of the plane lifting off the ground and didn’t wake up until our bumpy landing an hour and a half later. Side note: my ears didn’t pop until three days later, so that was fun. People had to keep telling me not to shout because I basically couldn’t hear anything.

We didn’t do much in Saint Louis, just hung out at my friend’s house, drank wine, ate brownies and ice cream, and had some much-needed girl time. Since graduating from college we’ve all gotten together three times: Minneapolis, Chicago, and now Saint Louis. I told the girls that it’s my turn next because I’ve been to all of their homes and now they need to come to me! Hopefully we can make it happen sooner rather than later.

p.s. Here are my tips for flying with a baby.

Illinois, I Love You

Last weekend, I took R with me to Illinois for a fun girls' weekend! In case you haven't been around very long and are confused about my obsession with Chicago and all things Illinois, I grew up in a Chicago suburb and went to a small, private college less than an hour outside Saint Louis. My grandparents and some aunts, uncles, and cousins live in Illinois, and I still have college and high school friends I keep in contact with who live all over the state. I've been back many times in the past eight years I've lived in Oklahoma!

I was nervous to take R on an airplane by myself, but she did great on both flights. (Just as an FYI, I reviewed my post on traveling with a baby, and everything was applicable this time around. I essentially did everything the same! Southwest Airlines did need to check her birth certificate, so I was glad I had brought a copy. Neither American nor United checked it when we flew with her in March.)

We flew into Saint Louis, where a college friend picked me up from the airport. We went back to her house, where R and my friend's daughter had a good time playing together. They are just two weeks apart in age! The cuteness was too much to handle.

Then, another college friend drove down from Springfield, IL, and picked R and I up so we could spend the weekend at her house. She has a three-month-old, and I was so excited to meet him! I want to be respectful of my friends and their babies on the Internet, so I won't post pictures, but just imagine the cutest thing you've ever seen and you can pretend you were there. While you're doing that you can imagine R swatting him in the face and trying to sit on him.

Our flight was early Thursday morning (5:30 flight), and we came back Sunday afternoon, so R and I partied hard for close to four days and had a lot of fun. Never in my life would I have expected to have fun with a ten-month-old, but it's a real thing!

^^^She slept great in the pack-and-play for the three nights we were there! After she woke up to eat around 5:30, I brought her in bed with me and we slept a little longer. We also took a few naps together in the afternoons, and it was glorious. And sweaty. She is small, but she is a giant furnace.

One highlight was R's first trip to the pool! The first time, she didn't like it so much and basically cried the whole time and glared at everyone. We went back the next day, and she seemed to enjoy it much more as long as she was holding on to me.

^^^ Two different days, two different swimsuits! Both from Target for less than $10. The hat is from Gymboree from my mom. I die.

^^^ My friend's air conditioner broke while we were there, and Springfield was setting blazing temps, so it got toasty in their house. At one point I gave R a damp towel to cool off, and then she wore it around like Mother Theresa and I couldn't stop laughing. Also, that tongue is out all day every day. 

Also x2, I tried off and on to put a bow on her throughout the weekend and see how she would do. She went in long spurts where she left it on, but ultimately it always ended up in her mouth. We still have work to do!

She did so great on both flights! I nursed her during takeoff, and then she promptly fell asleep and woke up right as we were landing. She laughed and clapped and cheesed it up to all of our seat mates, and it really couldn't have gone better. Plus, I didn't throw up, which was a legitimate fear of mine after last time coming back from Virginia when I used the barf bag twice in a row. I have problems.

I'm so thankful for friends in exotic locations like Saint Louis and Springfield to spend the weekend with. I'm also thankful for $89 flight deals from Oklahoma City to Saint Louis, which is basically the only cheap place to fly out of here. Amen.

One Way to Be a Really Good Friend

I am blessed to have some really good friends, some I've known since the awkward days of middle school, others since high school and college. When I moved to Oklahoma in the fall of 2008, I did not have a single friend in the entire state. I knew no one and had to make friends all on my own.

Seven years later, I look around me and find that I have surrounded myself with some wonderful people. Jordan and I switched classes at church last year, and the girls in that class are some of the kindest, most hospitable people I've ever known. I still keep in touch with my older friends as well, thanks to Skype dates and Google hangouts and group texts (all hail the smart phone!).

^^^Friends since high school! We met up for a girls' weekend in San Diego last fall. I was pregnant with R and didn't know it!

Not only are these people fun to hang out with, but we share honest feelings and struggles. I try to be a good friend, because having good friends means being a good friend. There are a lot of ways to be a good friend, but there is one way in particular that has stood out to me lately in how my friends are loving me. It's really simple but something often overlooked: Ask for updates about things they've mentioned in the past.

Here's an example:

At church on Sundays, our class goes around the room at the end of our lesson and asks for prayer requests. We write them down so we can remember to pray about them during the week, but often the request isn't mentioned again unless the person brings it up later to offer an update. One way to be a good friend and show you care about the other person is to ask them for an update before they offer it.

Did your friend mention a graduate school test on Wednesday they are worried about? Text them on Wednesday morning to say good luck or on Thursday afternoon to see how it went.

Is your friend's grandma in the hospital? Write them a message on Facebook later in the week and see if there's an update.

It doesn't have to be in church either, obviously. What about if you were talking with your out-of-town friend on the phone, and she mentioned being sick that day? Text her the next day and ask if she's feeling better.

This is not rocket science and is most likely something you've heard before and might already be doing, but (at least for me) this concept of checking in for updates on things they've mentioned in the past is something that's easily forgotten! It's easy enough to ask about how things are going today, but checking in to ask about something they talked about last week not only shows that you listened initially but that you remembered later and were thinking about them.

It feels so good when someone asks for an update about something you asked for prayer about. It makes me feel special and like they actually care about me. Over the past few months, I have been trying to be more intentional about doing this myself for other people, and I can tell by the responses that they appreciate it too.

Life is hard, and it's easy to feel like we're all just putting our heads down and focusing on our own problems. Asking a friend for an update about something she mentioned in a prior conversation doesn't take that much time and is an easy way to be a really good friend.

Who can you encourage today by asking for an update? 

How else do you show that you're a good friend?

Project 12: September

Okay, I know I totally skipped posting a recap of August, but that's because it would have been a blank screen with one word: baby. August was baby month, and you could say nothing happened and everything happened all at once. 

Now for September. In case you couldn't tell from my posts lately, I'm basically having a giant life/identity crisis and am working through it on the blog. Sorry not sorry (but kind of sorry) for all the dramatic posts lately. Thanks for sticking around! I bet some of you are like, "That girl be crazy." Well, yes I kind of am. Because keeping my emotions private just isn't how I roll. Unfortunately for my daughter, I think she has my tendency to wear her emotions on her sleeve. (See: below) Good luck to you, R. 

By the way, just a reminder that I am not going to share her name on the blog, and I'm going to keep calling her R. However, if you are just dying to know what her name is, I am happy to share as long as you a) email me privately and b) are not a child stalker.

Last month, Jordan and I took R on her first road trip! We drove to Texas for my sister-in-law's bridal shower. (She and my brother are getting married THIS WEEKEND and I may or may not have found a dress. Stay tuned.) My grandparents were in town from Illinois, and we had four generations in one room. It was perfect.

I took R out for her first walk in the stroller! I haven't run with her in it yet, but we have gone on a few walks, and she seems to like it, so I'm hoping by the time I take her for a run she'll be used to it and fall asleep or at least not scream the whole time.

We finally made it to church as a family of three! We were only fifteen minutes late, so I'm calling it a win. It felt so good to be back in church. Sleeping in on Sundays really messes up my weekend something fierce. (Plus I miss learning about Jesus.)

One of my best friends came to visit for the weekend! Justine and I were roommates in college, and she flew from Illinois to meet R and spend the weekend with me. I pumped a bottle of milk for R and left her with Jordan, and Justine and I hit up the Oklahoma State Fair for all the fried things. I tried fried cookie dough, which unfortunately sounds better than it was. I also got Chaco suntan lines on my feet, so I think that means I'm an official hippie now.

R got shots at her one-month appointment. Isn't this band-aid on a baby thigh just the saddest and cutest thing you've ever seen?

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So those are a few of the highlights. Life is a blur right now, so I'm sure I missed some things. If you haven't been around lately, here are a few posts from the last few months to check out:

R's birth story part 1 / part 2
Thoughts on postpartum weight loss and recovery
R Month One
A Tour of Our House

Formerly 29: Jordan's Epic Surprise 30th Birthday Party

Jordan's and my birthdays are one week apart. Mine is July 10; his is July 17.... today! 

This year, he turns 30! I love birthdays and birthday celebrations, so I decided I didn't have enough to do and I should plan an epic surprise party for him. It went down last Saturday!

I planned it for over two months. I mailed out invitations, crafted a Happy Birthday banner, bought food, and planned games! I also lied a LOT. It's kind of scary how well you can lie if you really put your mind to it.

There ended up being close to 40 people at the party, and I honestly can't believe no one spilled the beans! Jordan was completely and utterly shocked, and it was awesome. Everything I planned went according to plan, and he was none the wiser until he walked around the corner into the backyard at his parents' house and about fell over when he saw everyone there. He thought we were on our way to a Sunday school class party and he was just stopping really quick to help his dad move something in the backyard. Lies!

This might be the last surprise party I ever throw, because they are stressful! But at least my one and only will have been an epic success.

I have my sister-in-law to thank for taking all of these pictures! And my family and Jordan's parents really helped out a lot with setting everything up. I could NOT have done it without them.

The main food was a nacho bar ("macho bar") and BBQ chicken sliders in the crock-pot (super easy). For dessert we had cookies, brownies, and root beer floats! I got mustache napkins and straw from Hobby Lobby and kind of went with a mustache theme of sorts.

Erin posted about using trivia cards at the high school reunion party she planned, and I thought that was such a fun idea! I put together a 15-question trivia game with questions about the decade of the '80s and some specific questions about Jordan like when was his original due date, how much did he weigh, etc. Near the end of the party, I went through the answers, and there was a prize for the winner!

I was pretty proud of my "Pin the Mustache" game. I printed out a 24x36 picture from Staples for $3.89 (who knew?!) and got mustache cutouts for people to play a fun version of "Pin the Tail on the Donkey." My sister-in-law made this cute sign for the game. Seriously, that girl needs to be a party planner. She's the same one who organized a Bingo game for her wedding reception.

Jordan loves brownies, so instead of a cake he blew out candles on the brownie. Then we also had the root beer floats. His mom dug out some of Jordan's old stuff from the attic and used it as decorations. We also put some home videos on the TV inside for people to watch if they wanted to sit inside out of the heat.

My whole family drove up from Texas to be there, and Jordan was surprised to see everyone! I posted this picture on Facebook, and a few people thought we were saying Baby Bum is actually a boy, so don't be confused. She's still a girl.

^^^ Superman is Jordan's favorite superhero. I saw this Happy Birthday banner on Etsy for $25 and thought, hey I can make that myself. I bought paper for $2 at Hobby Lobby and put together the banner, and I love how it turned out!

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I was stressed out about how everything would go, but it went very well and was so much fun! I'm glad I could do something to celebrate Jordan's 30th, and I'm glad he loved his party. I feel so thankful for all our wonderful friends who came out and celebrated with us and kept my secret so well!

Have you ever thrown a surprise party?