Fall Memories

It's funny to me that the title of my last post mentioned that going places is a fiasco, because last weekend we went to Texas and it was pretty much one of the most disastrous weekends ever. It wasn't a tragic weekend like something really sad happened. It was just that everything went wrong that could go wrong, and I think what made it seem worse is that Jordan and I both took the day off on Monday so we could have a long weekend and spend the whole day on Sunday instead of leaving to come home like we always do. We were super excited about going, and it just was kind of a bust. A fiasco, if you will ;)

Among other issues, I got bit in the ankle by a fire ant, and holy cow it was painful! My entire ankle swelled up, and I couldn't see my ankle bone. It also stung and itched like a mosquito bite on steroids. It's been over a week since it happened and my ankle is finally looking seminormal and not itching like crazy. 

We went to a pumpkin patch that was super crowded and so dusty that Jordan had an instant allergy attack. We tried to go visit the fountain in the middle of the town square but the fountain wasn't turned on. We tried to camp in my parent's backyard, but it started raining, which turned into a severe thunderstorm and tornado watch. We tried to watch sports and all of our teams lost.

Sometimes I wonder why I ever leave my house.

I often see moms on Instagram and blogs talk about how they aren't a "fun mom" and don't really like doing activities with their kids because it's stressful and extra work and just kind of a lot. And all of that is true. It IS stressful and extra work (and extra money) and just kind of a lot. But I love doing things and going places with my kids. I really, really do. And as stressful and as much work as it is, I keep doing it, because at the end of the day we are making memories.

Sometimes, like last weekend, it's more of a character-building memory; other times it's a super fun, this-is-the-best-ever, once-in-a-lifetime memory. Either way, I don't regret doing things, and fiascos don't stop me from trying again (after I have an emotional breakdown because emotions). I don't know how much of that is me being a "fun mom" and how much of that is me being extroverted and how much of that is just me being just a little crazy, but I really do love finding things for us to do and places for us to go. 

This causes issues sometimes between Jordan and I. He would be happy as a clam to stay home all the time, and I'm constantly like, hey do you want to do this and this and how about this? And he's like, hey how about we stay at home. So we don't do all the things I'd like, but we also do more than he would like, and I guess that's the definition of compromise. And he always tells me that he's happy we went after all ;)

So I guess I'll conclude all of that by sharing that while last weekend didn't go quite as we planned with anything we tried, we still did make some great memories. Specifically on Sunday night. Before the rain started, we got the tent up, and my dad made a fire. We cooked hot dogs, and it was my cousin's wedding that weekend, so family was in from Illinois, and my grandpa roasted a marshmallow with us. The kids slept in my parents' house in the floor in their new sleeping bags, and... well, actually now that I think about it I didn't sleep at all because I stayed up all night itching my fire ant bite. Good times ;)

Okay not always the very best times. But what's that quote I see floating around?
We were together. I forget the rest.

for jordan.

Sunday is Mother’s Day, but do you know what else it is?

Our sixth wedding anniversary! They fall on the same day this year, and I think that's so fun!

When we first got married, six years sounded so old and felt like so long, but of course now I realize that six years is nothing compared to the decades we hope to be able to spend together.

I read a blog post a few weeks ago that was just so absolutely perfect and honestly I teared up a bit reading it. It was talking about motherhood and how hard it is but also how thankful she is for the dads. And she wrote this: “The truth is, even on a difficult day the load is lighter because he helps carry it."

So Jordan, thank you for lightening my load.

You're the crunch in my peanut butter.

The mint with my chocolate chip ice cream.

The icing on my cupcake.

I love you. Happy anniversary.

That's Life: Reflecting on 2016 + Looking to 2017

I did a few of these "That's Life" posts last year (originally saw this on Erin's blog), and I thought this would be a good way to recap 2016 and look forward to 2017 goals. This turned out to be really long (like, woah), but splitting it up into two posts felt silly, so I won't blame you if you don't read all the way to the end. A lot of this is just for me to process out loud and will be good to look back on if I forget what it was I wanted to focus on in 2017.

We Still Do

*Note: Jordan read this post before it was published and approved. Nothing I say here was written without his okay.

I have always hated plot lines in books and movies where a couple got divorced. Whether it happens after one year or twenty, it deeply saddens me. I do not believe couples get married thinking their relationship will end with divorce. We aren’t lying when we promise to love “until death do us part.” But at some point we get tired of fighting, tired of forgiving, tired of loving, and we start to drift apart. It becomes easier to give up than dig in.

In May, Jordan and I celebrated our five-year anniversary. Year five was, for both of us, the hardest of our marriage so far. It was a tough transition adding a baby to our twosome. Obviously having a newborn is stressful, but weeks of late-night feedings and early mornings wore us thin, and we were on edge with each other constantly. We drifted past each other in a constant stream of “I’m sorrys,” which had started to lose all meaning. I don’t mean that to sound dramatic, but the truth is, neither of us were happy. 

I remember going into the room where he was sitting at his computer and asking him, "Are you happy? Happy with us?"
"No," he said. 
And I replied, "I'm not either."

Our anniversary in May came at the perfect time to hit the reset button and helped us both to realize that we want to be intentional about the health of our marriage.

Since then, we have both seen a vast improvement. Not that we haven’t had an argument or two (or ten) in the meantime, but we each recognize that our marriage is something we want to fight for, that we love each other, and that love sometimes isn’t all hearts and butterflies but that it actually takes work.

One thing we started doing is praying together every single night. 

We used to pray together, but it was never on a consistent basis. We fell out of habit because when you’re not getting along with someone you really don’t want to talk to them, much less pray with them. We have also been recognizing triggers and ways that each of us react to the other, often without even really thinking about it. And we have been intentional about communicating with each other well.

Writing about marriage struggles is not necessarily something I want to plaster all over the Internet, and of course I’m only giving you the most basic of overviews. Jordan and I have only been married for five years, so I definitely can’t claim to have decades of wisdom on this topic, but I wanted to share our story so that if you find yourself in a similar boat, you can know you aren’t alone! Satan is the great destroyer of families, and we have to be on guard. We have to be intentional about our relationships with our family members, especially those we live with and see every day.

I do think it is good to acknowledge that marriage isn’t always full of heart eyes. Sometimes it’s just plain hard work, especially when there are stressful factors involved like a crying baby or a new job or a big move or just the daily grind of regular life.

It’s okay to admit that your marriage is not all that it could be. It's okay to admit that you're in a rough patch. The important thing is to decide how to move forward together once you realize this. I also suggest you start praying for each other and praying together about your marriage. This will help you grow closer to each other and closer to God. Finally, tell someone. It’s never a good idea to bash your spouse to other people, but it can be very helpful to share your struggles in a supportive environment so that your close friends and family can be praying for you. Maybe some of them have been there too and can offer helpful advice.

I know that for me, I am very thankful to have wonderful examples of godly marriages from both Jordan’s and my parents and grandparents. I hope Jordan and I can be that kind of example for our children one day.

I hope you will excuse a lengthy quote from C.S. Lewis, but I thought this was too good not to share. And let's be honest, any time is a good time for C.S. Lewis.

“Being in love is a good thing, but it is not the best thing. There are many things below it, but there are also things above it. You cannot make it the basis of a whole life. It is a noble feeling, but it is still a feeling. Now no feeling can be relied on to last in its full intensity, or even to last at all. Knowledge can last, principles can last, habits can last, but feelings come and go. And in fact, whatever people say, the state called ‘being in love’ usually does not last.

"If the old fairy-tale ending ‘They lived happily ever after’ is taken to mean ‘They felt for the next fifty years exactly as they felt the day before they were married,’ then it says what probably never was nor ever would be true, and would be highly undesirable if it were. Who could bear to live in that excitement for even five years? What would become of your work, your appetite, your sleep, your friendships? 

"But, of course, ceasing to be ‘in love’ need not mean ceasing to love. Love in this second sense — love as distinct from ‘being in love’ — is not merely a feeling. It is a deep unity, maintained by the will and deliberately strengthened by habit; reinforced by (in Christian marriages) the grace which both partners ask, and receive, from God. They can have this love for each other even at those moments when they do not like each other; as you love yourself even when you do not like yourself. They can retain this love even when each would easily, if they allowed themselves, be ‘in love’ with someone else. 

"‘Being in love’ first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. It is on this love that the engine of marriage is run: being in love was the explosion that started it.”

C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

p.s. Click here to take my 2016 blog reader survey if you haven't already!

Full

This summer has been full in more ways than one. 

Our schedule was full, for one thing. Between both of us working full time, we certainly packed in as much as we could on the weekends and week nights with trips, family time, and milestones. I turned 30, Jordan turned 31, and R turned 1 all within a month. 

R and I flew to Saint Louis to visit a friend in June, and in July we drove 13 hours to Illinois for a family reunion for my grandpa’s birthday. Between that we took a few trips to Texas. I started back to my regular Wednesday night/Sunday morning violin playing at church, and we attended baby showers and game nights, and I took R to the park and the splash pad (and of course to Target a lot too like any good mom). 

My heart is full too.

Full of laughter and thankfulness and lessons learned.

It has been almost a year now since I started back to work after maternity leave. If I’m being honest with myself, I have to admit that all along I’ve been hoping something would magically change with my work situation. I hear about people who have jobs dropped into their laps that allow them to work at home or promotions for their husbands that allow them to stay at home, and I secretly hoped that would happen to me. It's not that I don't like my job or my coworkers (I actually really, really do!), but deep down I didn’t want to accept that maybe working full time is what I’m supposed to be doing right now. It surprised me how much I just wanted to stay home with my girl.

Dropping R off every single day sucks every single time. It’s easier to leave her than it was a year ago, but it’s certainly not easy. I was bitter for a while, and I unfollowed people on social media because it hurt to see their pictures of them having fun with their kids during the day when I couldn’t be with mine.

I think this is partly why I have felt God pushing me to learn more about prayer this year. I am not perfect at it by any means, but I have been trying to pray more, and as a result I have been focusing more on my blessings and focusing on praying for my friends and my family, and I have been focusing less on myself. 

And I feel full.

Although right now we can't live off one income, I am full of thankfulness that our jobs allow us to buy food and pay for our beautiful house that we saved for, for so long and go on trips as a family. Although my job doesn’t allow me to work from home, I am thankful that it does allow me to treasure the time I get to spend with R. 

Picking her up at daycare and seeing her reach her arms out for me and crawl to me as fast as she can is the absolute best part of every day. I can see how working at home might cause me to feel stressed about spending time working vs. spending time with R, and working outside the home allows me to spend quality, focused time with her, and I am thankful for that even though I still miss her so much during the day. 

This past year was not easy for our marriage, and I am full of thankfulness that although Jordan and I don’t get along all the time, we have committed to praying together every night, and we are continuing to learn how best to handle our arguments and disagreements. 

This summer was full.

I feel like we have entered a stage, however short it may be, where we have a good rhythm. R is sleeping 11-12 hours a night, and Jordan and I have time to take a breath and actually get back to some of our hobbies again. I am no longer pumping, we are weaning off formula and bottles, and I just feel like my daily routine isn’t so rushed. 

We paid for all the hospital bills, I’ve put a leash on my hair bow obsession, and after doing our budget for last month, I realized that we actually had some money left over like we used to before R came along.

When R was a tiny newborn, I would look at her sleeping and cry because she was so small and needed me so much and it was all so overwhelming. It’s been just over a year, but she is not so small and she already doesn’t need me quite as much, and yet it’s not as sad as I thought it would be. I know her so much better than I did a year ago, and I love it. She is a sweet, opinionated, smart, beautiful little girl, and I'm so thankful for her every day.

This summer was full of everything and nothing.

I went to work for eight hours five days a week. I washed bottles every night. I made dinner and loaded and unloaded the dishwasher. Then I loaded it again. I folded laundry into piles so high I could barely hold them. I washed R’s highchair tray and cleaned the bathroom and pulled weeds. 

It was an ordinary kind of summer full of extraordinary moments. 

I chased R around the house on all fours. I read her books. I went on dates with Jordan. I stood outside and watched the sun set. I flew on an airplane and cheered at a baseball game. I went running and ate birthday cake.

I cried. 
I prayed. 
Stayed up way too late and got up way too early. 
I laughed. A lot.

And today, as I look back on this summer, my heart is full.

“We pray for the big things and forget to give thanks for the ordinary, small (but not really small) gifts.” -Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Life Together

*All photos taken by Makenzie.

Something I Always Say

I saw this quiz on Facebook recently and thought it would be fun to ask Jordan these questions about me! Here's what he said:

What is something I always say?  
Can you get me [insert thing]?

What makes me happy?
R

What makes me sad?
Taking R to daycare

What's my favorite thing to do?
Play with R

What do I do when you're not around?
Blog or play with R

What am I good at?
Seeing things from a different perspective than me.

What am I not good at?
Not taking criticism as a personal insult 
^^^ I RESPECTFULLY AND INDIGNANTLY DISAGREE

What is my favorite food?
Ice cream or cookies

Where is my favorite place to eat?
A good burger place
(Amen, brother!)

What do we do together?
Watch cooking shows
(Most recently we've started going through "Worst Cooks in America" on Netflix. So funny!)

How are you and I the same?
We both love R and we have a shared faith
(We are Christians, in case you didn't know!)

If I could go anywhere, where would it be? 
Europe
(We've been saving for a trip for, like, ever. Europe, I haven't forgotten about you!)
Related post: My Trip to Greece

How do I annoy you?

When you act like I'm incapable of doing basic household chores when in reality I can do them, but I just like to do them in my own time and not as quickly as you want to do them.
(On all the other questions he had to think, but he had no trouble coming up with an answer for this one.)

What is your favorite thing about me?

Your sense of humor

So there you have it! Did you sense a theme? Apparently I like my daughter. New mom no shame, y'all.

What is something you always say?

What makes you happy?

p.s. One year ago, this happened. One of the craziest and most amazing things ever!

Where We Get Dressed Up and Embarrass Ourselves

Two weekends ago, Jordan and I celebrated our 5th anniversary. Our trip to Virginia this past March was our official anniversary trip, but we still wanted to do something to celebrate on our actual anniversary. 

We started the day of our anniversary (May 14) as we have every year for the past four years: with breakfast at iHop. I remember last year I was pregnant, and we were imagining a highchair at our table, and this year she's here! Such a blessing.

My parents drove up from Texas that afternoon to watch R while Jordan and I went to dinner, and then we did something crazy and stayed overnight in a hotel room while my parents stayed at our house with R. It was the longest I'd ever been away from her, and both of us survived just fine. Actually, we were just coming out of a bad couple of weeks in the sleeping department, so when my mom said, "So how are you feeling about being away from R overnight?" I said, "I'm kind of looking forward to it!" I blame the daily daycare drop-offs for my apparent heart of stone, but at least neither of us are in a codependent relationship. Right? Right?

Anyway. I can't go anywhere these days without having some kind of story to share on the blog, and our date night did not disappoint. A month ago, I made reservations at one of the nicest restaurants in the city, which is on the 49th floor of the tallest building in OKC. It's one of those places with an actual dress code, and let's just say, Jordan and I are not exactly the type of people who frequent restaurants of this caliber. Jordan in particular was basically breaking out in a cold sweat on our way downtown. 

There is a lot of construction right now, but since I work downtown I knew where to go. Even so, we had a bit of an issue trying to get to the right place (the original gate was closed and the credit card machine didn't work at the second gate, to name a few), and by the time we finally parked Jordan and I were both sweating and feeling stressed.

We rallied and made it inside, where we were escorted through the building to the elevator. (The restaurant is inside an office building, so there are extra measures taken to ensure people don't just go wandering around after office hours.)

Our ears literally popped on the way up, which was interesting.

We were seated at our table, and our server came over to ask if we wanted some wine. I don't normally get wine, but occasionally I will drink a glass if it's something really sweet, so I asked if she had anything to recommend that was sweet. She immediately launched into something about a wine that tasted like a hint of roses from such and such city in France, and she might as well have been speaking French for all I knew, but I said it sounded good and sure I'd take a glass.

Then she asked for my ID, and I realized that when I switched into my fancy red clutch, I had left my license at home in my wallet in the diaper bag.

"Oh, I'm sorry," she said and promptly whisked away both our wine glasses.

And I promptly started crying.

It wasn't that I had wanted a glass of wine so badly that I was crying because I couldn't get one but because we were already stressed out about the parking situation, and we were both all dressed up in this fancy restaurant, and now I felt shamed because my wine glasses were taken away. And then I was shamed because I was crying, which made me cry more, and I was just a hot mess.

Jordan, meanwhile, is staring at me incredulously because he just cannot understand what on earth is wrong with his crazy wife. "Um... do you, like, need to call your mom?" he says.

Bless his heart.

By the time the waitress came back to take our order, I had composed myself enough to order a salad, and then she asked, "What do you want for your entree?" and I realized like a moron that I had not even looked, so she had to come back to actually take our order.

Somewhere between our appetizer and entree, Jordan got up to go to the bathroom and banged his head against the light that was hanging between our table and one next to us (see photo below). Our waitress shouted, "OH MY ARE YOU OKAY?" And an entire table of people in suits and cocktail dresses turned to stare.

Clearly I can't just go to dinner and not have something ridiculous happen. Thankfully, it ended much better, and the free anniversary dessert certainly didn't hurt. Although I will tell you that at one point during the meal I ran out of conversation topics and ended up saying, "So, I have three shirts I need to iron." And Jordan said, "Okay?"

Apparently five years of marriage is when you start running out of things to talk about.

The second we walked out of the elevator, Jordan was like a completely different person. He visibly relaxed, and we realized we did, in fact, have more to talk about than wrinkled shirts. So that was a relief on multiple levels. We really just aren't cut out to be fancy.

I checked in with my mom (R was doing great!), and we drove to our hotel, where I slept like a baby until sunrise because uninterrupted sleep, you guys. Back home, the real baby woke my mom up at 2:30 and stayed awake for over an hour. Seriously, who came up with the phrase "slept like a baby"? It's just mean, is what it is.

The next morning we grabbed some bagels on our way home, and my mom and R were waiting for us on the front porch. She was very excited to see us! All in all, it was a great anniversary date, and we certainly celebrated in style. The food was excellent, the view was great, and bonus! We got a good story or two to laugh at later (once I, ahem, stopped crying).

Here's to year six!

Valentine's Day 2016

Jordan and I had the absolute most fabulous Valentine’s day this year, and I wanted to make sure I blogged about it so I don’t forget! It was kind of fun that Valentine’s Day (side note: I totally was going to call it VD and then thought better of it) fell on a Sunday this year because we got to see so many of our friends and wish them a happy day of love. 

I also made valentines for R’s Sunday school teachers! Please don’t be too impressed. I downloaded the card online for free and then cut them out and taped them haphazardly to a pink piece of construction paper, and it took approximately 2.3 minutes. 

After church we came home and ate leftover fajitas that we had gotten Saturday when we went out to eat with my brother and sister-in-law who were visiting us from the great state of Texas. (Side note x2: My brother accidentally took two Benadryl in the morning and slept forever that afternoon, and we’re still laughing about it.)

Then I went for a run! I did 3 miles by myself and then swung by and got R bundled up in the jogging stroller for the second half. I ended up doing 6 miles, which until this past weekend was my longest run to date since having a baby six months ago!

R ended up going to bed around 7 that night, which is slightly earlier than normal. It worked out perfectly, because Jordan and I were able to have a fantastic homemade dinner together. I made roasted maple-glazed salmon with brussels sprouts and rice. I pulled out our fancy wedding china (we have just two sets), and we sat at the table and ate and talked together. It was one of the best evenings we’ve had in a long, long time. It was nice that R was already in bed and we didn’t have to worry about entertaining her or holding her while she was being fussy.

A month or so ago I downloaded a PDF of ten conversation starters, and so when we have the chance we’ve been going through them one at a time. I know that sounds cheesy, and it totally is, but it’s actually sparked some good conversations, which I guess is the point! Jordan is always like, Are you kidding me with this? But he quickly warms up to the idea. While we were eating our Valentine’s dinner, we talked about this: “The area in your life where I’ve seen the most growth is…"

So that’s what our weekend looked like! Even though it wasn’t extravagant, and it didn’t involve gifts or cards or flowers or chocolate, I think this Valentine’s Day was one of my favorites yet.

What do you cook when you make a fancy meal at home?

Do you have wedding china?

Texas with Three

This past weekend we took our first trip to Texas as a family of three. Before we left, we stopped to get gas and took the most awkward family selfie ever. As Jordan says, "At least everyone's eyes are in the picture." I guess that's considered a win? I especially like how my head is perfectly placed just floating above the car seat.

Before this trip, the longest we'd traveled with R in the car was the half hour home from the hospital, so we had no idea how she would do in the car for three hours. But she did great! She passed out and just slept the entire time. Per usual, I kept reaching back to poke her and make sure she was alive, which caused her to stir and then we were like, "Dang it! Stay asleep!" I have problems.

On the way there, Jordan and I discussed our marriage using some of the questions in the study guide of the new Francis Chan study.

And by discussed, I mean our conversation went something like this:

Me: *Asks question*
-Long pause-
Me: So what do you think?
Jordan: Um, sorry what? I was looking at the color of that car. Isn't it weird?
Me: Why aren't you thinking about the question I just asked?
Jordan: Oh. I thought you were just talking out loud to yourself like you do a lot.

WHAT IS HAPPENING.

(Not to make Jordan look bad... we did have a really good discussion using the workbook. It just took a bit to get started. And to be fair, I do talk to myself a lot, so he's got a point.)

We also saw this sunset on the way in. No filter and all that jazz. Sunsets are my favorite!

Anyway, we made it without any trouble, and we arrived at my parents' house and got to introduce R to my grandparents! Isn't this picture just the best? So much love.

My parents have a crib set up for R in the guest room. It's the one all of us kids used when we were younger! R did great sleeping in a new crib in a new house; she's really such a good baby. It was fun to have so much family around all the time to love on her. Jordan and I barely held her all weekend.

The reason we were in town was because we were hosting a bridal shower for my soon-to-be sister-in-law. I was in charge of games, and we played this one. A hit as always.

The wedding is October 11, and I don't have anything to wear. I need something that's nursing friendly and also post-baby-stomach-bulge friendly while also being outdoor-wedding-in-October friendly and cute. Suggestions welcome.

We wanted to leave early on Sunday so we could beat the Sunday afternoon traffic (yes, that's a thing), but that meant we completely missed the Bears/Packers game at noon. Both of us happened to have our t-shirts, so we sported those for a family picture. I said, "R is going to be a Bears fan." And Jordan said, "Not if I get to her first!" So we'll see what happens with that.

All in all, it was a wonderful weekend in Texas. We've made a lot of trips to south over the last seven years, and it was definitely weird (in a good way) to have R there with us this time.

Here's to many more weekend road trips as a family of three!

The #1 Best Budgeting Tip to Save You Money

Everyone has different ideas about budgeting, and there are a ton of how-to posts out there with tips and tricks for saving and budgeting. Jordan and I have been on a budget since we got married over 4 years ago. In that time, we paid off both our cars and student loans, and we were completely debt free until we just bought our house last month (hello, mortgage until 2045).

I’ve blogged about our budget in the past, and you can check out those posts here. However, today I want to revisit one budgeting strategy that we both agree has been the best thing for our budget and our marriage. It has saved us a ton of money over the last 4 years, and if you are only going to follow one budget tip or savings plan, this is the one I recommend: set a monthly blow money budget per person. 

(EDIT: a few people have asked how we track our blow money. In our "budget binder" [click here to see it] we have a page for each of us where we write down our blow money purchases and add them as we go through the month.)

What is blow money?

The first thing to do is decide what blog money means to you. For us, blow money is simply any purchase that is a want, not a need. Here are a few examples:

-Do your socks have holes in them? (Need.) Or did you find a cute pair of boot socks to match your outfit? (Want.)

-Did you lose weight and now your pants don’t fit? (Need.) Or was Old Navy having a sale on skinny jeans and you saw a pair of lighter wash jeans that you couldn’t pass up? (Want.)

-Are you buying yarn to crochet your brother a blanket for Christmas? (Need, filed under “Gifts.”) Or are you buying pretty yarn to crochet yourself yet another scarf? (Want.)

I could go on, but you probably see my point. The blow money category encompasses hobbies, shopping, and sometimes outings and food.

The beauty in this is that he can buy whatever he wants and I can buy whatever I want, and neither of us can get mad at the other. He can think it’s dumb for me to buy new running shorts or sign up for a race, and I can think it’s dumb for him to buy another video game, but who cares? It’s ours to do with what we want. This is going to sound dramatic, but doing this has really saved us from a lot of dumb arguments.

Even if you aren’t married and no one cares what you spend your money on anyway, the monthly blow money budget is a great way to keep frivolous spending in check. No more splurge purchases at Target, because every penny of “want” is coming out of your blow money budget. Having this set up forces you to think about what you’re buying and decide if you really like it enough to spend part of your blow money on it.

How much blow money should I allow per month?

This depends on your own finances. Some people do as little as $20 a month; some do a couple hundred dollars a month. I’m sure some people do even more than that. It is entirely up to you, but the point is to pick a number that fits into your lifestyle and your budget.

The point of the blow money budget is not to stifle you into feeling like you can’t buy anything ever, but it’s also not there to let you buy whatever you want. Choose a number that’s higher than penny pinching and lower than “let’s go buy everything.” It should be hard to keep this budget some months and easy other months.

If you have never done anything like this before, my suggestion would be to go back a few months and add up how much you’re spending on “extras” per month on average. Choose a round number that’s just slightly lower than what you typically spend and try it out for a month or two. Then, reevaluate and see if you need to lower or raise your blow money number.

What do I do if I have leftover blow money?

People do this different ways, but Jordan and I roll over the extra to the next month. This is great for if you’re saving up for something big. Sometimes one race registration will be larger than one month’s blow money, so I’ll save up for two months. Even if it’s just $5, we roll over any leftover money to the next month.

What do I do if I go over my blow money amount?

Obviously the idea is to never go over your monthly amount. However, I’ll be honest and say that I do go over sometimes. Usually it’s just by $10-15, but still. Over is over. In that case, I roll over my deficit to the following month, so whatever negative I had gets subtracted from the new month’s amount. This way, you can hopefully just spend less that second month and catch back up to even. This works for us, but if you find yourself consistently going over and never able to catch up, you might need to figure something else out. Again, the point is obviously to not go over the blow money amount.

What do I do if I can’t decide if something is blow money or not?

Like I said before, in the majority of cases, blow money is anything that you would consider a want, not a need. However, there are gray lines, so sometimes you might have to think it over or discuss a purchase. Most things are obvious, but others are going to be personal opinion and preference based on your own budget. The point is to find your line and stick to it.

This is what we've found that best works for us and is a relatively simple way to track your spending, save money, and get along with your significant other. Plus, since the amount is built into the existing budget, it's completely guilt-free spending!

Here’s an example of what I spent my $100 on the last few months just to give you an idea:

March

Chacos $113.78

April

Rolled over deficit of $13.78

Sponsor a blog $10.20

Clothes at Old Navy* $63.40

Smoothie at lunch $3.79

Maxi dress $12.99

Total: $104.16

May

Rolled over deficit of $4.16

Cardigan $14.99

Sent mail to a blog friend $1.40

Project Life scrapbook pocket pages $23.97

Bethel Music CD $13.96 <-- Yes, I still buy CDs sometimes, okay?

Gift for my sister $30

= 88.48 

And woo! I'm back to rolling over leftover instead of a deficit.

*These were all maternity purchases, which technically could be counted under the general budget since they're more of a "need" than a "want." However, our budget is tight due to house stuff, so I decided to count this $63 under blow money. I have made a few other maternity purchases that have counted under the regular budget.

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Feel free to leave any questions about anything I've written here in the comments. 
Now, I'm interested to know what has worked for you and your budget.

Do you have a monthly blow money amount?
How do you keep track of your "want vs. need" spending?