that time I went on a road trip with Lebron James and other random happenings

^^^ I will have you know that she was the first one to stick her tongue out. The selfie game is strong with this one.

Today's post is a collection of random funny/interesting things that have happened recently.

With R, I don’t specifically remember a time when I started crying about random things, for example, a TV commercial or whatever. But a month or so ago, I was sitting on the floor with R reading The Little Engine that Could, and when I got to the end when the engine is saying, “I think I can I think I can,” I legit teared up and could barely finish reading. It was the strangest thing but, you guys, he thought he could and he DID. Why has no one made a Hollywood movie about this inspirational gem?

My pregnancy dreams haven’t been too intense so far, but I did have a week or so when I consistently remembered my dreams and they were all insane. I didn’t write any down, which I now regret, but I do remember one: I was on a road trip with LeBron James from Oklahoma to France. We drove and it took us three days. LeBron kindly drove the whole way. We came around the side of a mountain, and I immediately saw Big Ben (which in my dream meant that I was in France, don’t think too hard about it). I rolled down the window and shouted, “I’m a tourist! This is my first time in France!” People turned to point and stare, and then I woke up. In case you’re interested, LeBron was a lovely traveling companion.

On Friday some of my coworkers went to Sam’s to get a bunch of office supplies (and most importantly, three giant bags of chocolate for the candy bowl in our kitchen). I was carrying two boxes of trash bags when our receptionist ran over shouting, “Amanda, don’t lift anything! Don’t lift anything!” I thought maybe I should remind her that R is 25 pounds and I lift her like 100 times a day. Do you want to know the secret to amazingly toned arms? Just find yourself a toddler, preferably one you know or things could get weird/illegal.

Our mornings are usually pretty rushed because I’ve started sleeping in until 6:30. (I’m so lazy, ha!) I have a lot of stuff to get together for both R and myself, and Jordan is getting himself together and helping me too, and we seem to always do that thing where we are in each other’s way and bumping into each other all over the house. I was leaning over the crib to get R out, and he leaned down to kiss her, and right then I turned and he head butted me on the bridge of my nose where my glasses were and knocked me to the ground! Rude. Also a few weeks ago, R accidentally (so I assume) wacked me in the nose with the remote control and I instantly started crying. She must have hit a nerve because I was sobbing and it didn’t even really hurt that bad. Embarrassing.

My work is walking distance to the downtown library, and during my lunch break I like to walk down there if it’s nice out and return books or get some new ones. Downtown OKC is really nice, and they’ve done a lot in the last few years to fix it up, but there are still homeless people and just randoms walking around that I try to avoid. Picture me: with my boots and sweater and coat on, holding a few books and talking on my cell phone (to my mom). And a guy stops to ask me if I have a cigarette. I’m not saying you should judge based on appearance, but actually do I look like someone who would have a cigarette? Hopefully no.

A friend and I went to Panera for dinner two weekends ago, and sitting across from us we noticed a dad and his daughter. He was wearing a tie, and she was in a fancy dress, so they were obviously on a father-daughter date of some kind. I felt like I was watching a scene from a movie, and I took a creeper picture and texted it to Jordan and told him that would be him with R some day. It was seriously the sweetest thing and I just got all emotional thinking about R and Jordan dressing up and going on a date like that. The cutest!

Speaking of Jordan, major shoutout to my main squeeze. He passed his electrician's exam last week to get his unlimited journeyman's license! I was so, so proud of him that he passed on the first try and got one of the highest scores that lady working the desk said she'd seen. He has a difficult job that I respect so much and doesn't always get a lot of credit. (I mean could you wire an entire house?) The test was 105 questions, 4 hours long, pass or fail only, and he got a 92! I am a proud wife.

People keep asking me if I've had any pregnancy cravings. Similar to when I was pregnant with R, I really can't point to anything specifically and say that is a craving, because it's stuff like ice cream and Mexican food and chocolate chip cookies. Do those really count as a craving related to being pregnant? BUT. On Friday night, I put R down for bed and then was in the kitchen heating up my leftovers for dinner when I suddenly realized that if I wasn't able to eat some fruit right now I was going to freak out. I love fruit normally, so this isn't weird in itself, but the level of need I felt for strawberries and grapes and oranges was a bit insane. I was already in my pjs but I changed clothes and drove to the store at 8:30 at night. So, I guess I just had my first real pregnancy craving and it was for $50 worth of fruit.

I hope you all have a great week and a lovely Valentine's day tomorrow! I am excited about my teacher and kid gifts that I made for R's daycare this year.

p.s. Speaking of Valentine's Day, head over to Michelle's blog! She writes an annual post of hilarious Valentine's that I think you'll enjoy.

So Much Pee

Alternative title: Hashtag Pregnancy Problems

I realize the following are probably not going to be shocking revelations to a lot of you. But here's the thing: they were for me, so I'm sharing them here as part of my documentation process of this milestone event in my life. Aka: a human growing inside of me.

*It shouldn't be necessary, but just in case you're new around here... This post is meant to be truthful with a touch of hyperbole. Go with it.

1. Irrational Mood Swings

I knew about this one. I was ready for the mood swings. "Pregnant people are crazy!" Not me. I was going to have everything under control. 

What I could not have prepared myself for was the ridiculously high level of hysterical behavior that appeared out of nowhere.

A few nights ago I woke up at 2:00 am absolutely starving. I inhaled 2 bananas in approximately 1.56 seconds and then collapsed into a fit of heaving sobs because I woke up hungry and therefore was starving my baby and was going to be a terrible mother.

"How can I feed a baby if I can't even feed myself!" I wailed while Jordan rubbed my back and tried (and failed miserably, I might add) to stifle his laughter at my insane behavior. <--I can't tell you how much I wish this was not a real story, but sadly I have exaggerated no part of this.

Note to all my friends in real life: from now on, scheduling a coffee date with me means arriving with a frozen lasagna in hand. Preferably with a dozen breadsticks and also a second lasagna. Baby needs to eat. And when I say baby, I mean me.

2. So Much Pee

When I say I am peeing every half hour, I am not joking. It's calmed down a bit now that I'm in the second trimester, but seriously. My hands are dry from washing them so much. My bladder is the size of a poppyseed. I should probably just bite the bullet and buy a pair of Depends. At least I'm getting some exercise walking back and forth to the bathroom? I'm stretching here. Really stretching.

3.  Pregnancy Dreams

They're real, and they're terrifying. Last week I dreamed we were out house hunting and I was bit in the knee by a rabid possum. It was bleeding and swelling, and I thought I could see the Great Light of the hereafter shining on me. I woke up whimpering and made Jordan swear we're never leaving our apartment. I told him it was sign.

We recently put an offer on a house, and if I go back there and see a possum, we're pulling out of the contract.

4. How Awkward it is to Tell People You're Pregnant

How do you begin this type of life-changing announcement? "Speaking of... actually, speaking of nothing we're talking about right now, hey I'm growing a human!" People immediately drop their eyes to your stomach as if the baby is going to pop out right then and there. And even though there might be nothing to see yet, you feel like making a sign to wear that says, "I'm pregnant" just so people don't think you've been eating too many cheeseburgers.

I did not anticipate how awkward this conversation would be, and yet it is. I blame all of you. BE COOL AND STOP STARING AT PEOPLE'S STOMACHS. It's rude.

The End.

Coffee or Tea?

I was nominated by the lovely Jen (who is about to pop with a baby sometime soon!) and Tiff for a Liebster Award. They both gave me some questions to answer, and I'm just using Jen's list because it was the most recent. 

1. What is something you have learned recently? 

I am in the process of learning something right now, and that is to trust fully in God. I always want to make my own plans and decide how and when things will happen, and then recently something unexpected happened, and I'm trying to learn that my plans are not always his plans.

2. What is in your fridge right now?

A gallon of milk that is almost empty because I can't seem to STOP DRINKING IT. I'm on a serious milk kick right now. I also have the supplies for enchilada pie, which I am planning to make sometime this week or weekend.

3. If you could travel anywhere, where would you go?

I really really really REALLY want to go to London. I would also love to go back to  Fredericksburg, TX, where Jordan and I went on our honeymoon. There's this chocolate shop that's pretty much the greatest place ever.

4. What is one article of clothing or accessory you are currently wanting?

More running gear! Shirts, shorts, pants... you name it, I want it.

5. What is one thing you have pinned that you are wanting to create?

Anything on my appetizer/munchies board.

6. What time do you typically wake up in the morning?

It depends on whether or not I am going running. If it's a running day, 5:15. If it's not a running day, 6:45. Although, to be honest, since I became jobless I wake up with Jordan at 7:00 and make him breakfast!

7. Coffee or Tea?

Tea. 
The total of times I have taken a drink of coffee equals once. I just can't get into it, but Jordan and I can take down a case of Earl Gray tea like no one's business.

8. Who is your favorite Disney princess?

I never know how to answer this one, because I never really had a favorite. I guess Ariel. 

9. What is the best book you've read recently? 

I'm currently rereading Christy by Catherine Marshall. Love that one.

10. What is your biggest pet peeve?

When people misuse the word literally. I actually wrote an entire post about it here if you want to know more about that craziness.

11. Tell us about your most recent dream

I dreamed that I was hanging out with Reese Witherspoon, and I asked her if celebrities take out their own trash. Apparently it's a burning question of mine.

Now, usually you're supposed to nominate 11 more blogs, but I am MUCH too lazy for that right now, so instead I'm just going to tell you two blogs I've been loving lately. 

Brandi at Picking Peonies
She's doing Project 365 right now and has some gorgeous pictures that really inspire me to take out my camera. Today's is a picture of the cutest puppy!

Ashley at Cream to My Coffee
She's a super cute dresser and she's from Oklahoma, which makes her awesome.

Now my burning question for YOU: 
Do you prefer coffee or tea? Or neither? Or both?

Patterns of Sleep: Where I Am Forced to Prove I Am Awake

What's that? You want to know who the bearded fellow is next to me?
Yes, Jordan's beard is out of control right now.
Ahem.

In honor of the Superbowl being over and the 2012 football season concluding, I wanted to share a quick story about yet another ridiculous nighttime episode courtesy of yours truly.

You should already know from reading ridiculous sleeping story number one and ridiculous sleeping story number two that I am quite an exciting bedmate. Poor Jordan is left to deal with the insanity because he is too light a sleeper to simply ignore it and too nice to kick me.

And while it's happening ("it" being my random mumblings/shoutings), Jordan likes to remind me that I'm sleeping and won't remember any of it the next day. He's right, of course. If I remember anything, it's snippets of a conversation that he pieces together while I laugh hysterically. 

But this story I'm about to share is different. I remember the whole thing perfectly because for once I was, in fact, actually awake while it happened.

I don't remember what night of the week it was, but it had to be either a Sunday or Monday, because we had stayed up late to watch a football game. The Giants vs. someone else.

Anyway, I fell asleep first, per usual, and later when he kissed me goodnight, I woke up and started talking to him about something serious. Finances or some oddity. He assumed I was asleep and told me so. "You know you're asleep, right?"

But I wasn't, so I said, "No, I'm not."
I have, however, claimed to not be asleep before, so this didn't make him feel any more secure. "No, you're asleep." 
This made me frustrated, as you can imagine, because I KNEW I was awake. "No, I'm not. I'm awake!" 
We went back and forth a few more times before he decided to play a little game with me.

So you know what happened next?
He made me prove I was actually awake by answering trivia questions about the football game we'd watched earlier that night. He wanted to know who had won, what the final score was, and who the two quarterbacks were. 

This went on for 2 or 3 minutes, while he quizzed me to prove my insistence that I wasn't asleep. After he was satisfied that I couldn't possibly be coherent enough during sleep to answer such specific questions with accuracy, he let me off the hook.

The next morning, for once, I had to remind HIM of something that had happened the night before. And neither of us could stop laughing about it. So now, apparently, I will need to stay informed on my sports trivia just in case I need to prove I am actually awake.

Patterns of Sleep (Or, Ways I Annoy Jordan While Sleeping) PART 2

About a year ago, I wrote a blog post (Patterns of Sleep, Part 1) about the things I do to annoy Jordan while we're sleeping. Until I married Jordan, there was no one besides my college roommate to tell me I did strange things while I slept....that is, until I DID marry Jordan, and then out came the crazy stories.

When I wrote that first post in March of 2012, it had been almost a full year of marriage, and now, after nearly 2 (in May), I think it's high time for an update. 

Jordan likes to tease me about the fact that I could sleep through anything. You could parade a marching band through our room with tubas and trumpets playing The Star Spangled Banner as loud as they could, and I wouldn't notice. But for some reason, lately I've been doing this thing where I get in that between-dreaming-and-awake state where you sort of wake up, and you know something is going on but you don't know what. 

During these times I get irrationally upset. Like, the Hulk and I could swap rage stories upset. 

When we first got married, Jordan and I didn't not want to go to bed at the same time. It was like we were 16. "Don't go to bed without me!" "No YOU don't go to bed with out ME!"
Gross.

This cute honeymoon stage lasted approximately two days, until Jordan realized that I am a grandma and like to go to bed before the sun goes down. It is a rare occasion when I don't fall asleep before he does, and it takes about 30 seconds before I'm hard asleep.

Every night he rolls over and gives me a kiss before turning off his light. Because we're cute and stuff. Lately, however, I've been waking up when he kisses me. This is where the irrational rage comes in. 
One night he kissed me, and I woke up and shouted, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" 
And he said, "Um, well, I just kissed you."
And I said, "WELL STOP TOUCHING ME."
Then I glared at him and rolled over to face the wall.

The next morning, I didn't remember anything about it. When I told him I didn't remember, he looked at me like this:

Another time, I purposely fell asleep on his side of the bed with my feet on his pillow and my head facing the bottom. I thought I was so funny, and I fell asleep chuckling to myself. "He's going to come in, and I will be asleep on his side!" (Chuckles) "AND my head is facing the wrong end!" (Chuckles) 

This is real-life excitement, people.

When Jordan comes in an hour or so later, I'm asleep, obviously. My evil plan is working beautifully, except in all my plotting, I didn't consider the fact that when he did come in, he would wake me up and force me to move, initiating the irrational rage. Nevermind that the whole thing had been my idea in the first place.

So he comes in and shakes me, and says, "Why are you on my side? You're weird."
And I'm like, "WHAT IS HAPPENING?"
And he's like, "Um, you're on my side. And you're crazy. Move."
And I'm like, "WHYYYYYY?"
Suddenly, in my dreamlike state, I remember what happened, and I say, "This seemed like a good idea at the time." To which Jordan replies, "You did this on purpose?"

Then he looks at me like this:

Again, I didn't remember this until the next morning when he reminded me, and even then he had to fill in some missing details.

These kinds of things have been happening lately, and more often than not Jordan has some weird story about me getting mad in my sleep. Sometimes I remember, sometimes I don't, but I never remember the whole story, and it's really fun to hear Jordan reenact the previous night's ridiculous episode. Thankfully, he realizes I am sleeping and not in control of what I'm doing, so he doesn't get mad at me for being mean to him. In fact, he usually finds it funny. 

Which is exactly what happened last night.

I was tired, and Jordan was in the man cave/extra bedroom/library watching Blades of Glory and playing a video game. I wanted to go to sleep, but I also wanted to hang out with him, so I felt like a fair compromise would be to get ready for bed and then take my blanket into the other room to fall asleep on the futon. Jordan warned me ahead of time that when it was time for him to go to bed, he would wake me up and move me. "So don't get mad," he said. I assured him that I would be fine. Lies!

As it happened, I naturally "woke up" at the same time he was ready to go into our bedroom. I say "woke up," because it soon became clear that I was not, in fact, awake. He walked me to bed, and I lay down. He leaned over to kiss me, and I promptly started trying to make out with him while mumbling incoherently and drooling on myself. I have no explanation. 

After Jordan successfully freed himself from my unconscious advances, I fell back asleep, and he started his nightly reading ritual (right now he's reading The Fellowship of the Ring). Just before he turned out his light, he noticed I had an eyelash on my cheek, and he reached over to get it. What he didn't know was that at that exact moment, I was having a dream that something was on my face. I don't know if it was a hair or an insect, but whatever it was caused me to violently flail my arms in the air just when he reached for the eyelash.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" I shouted. My rages seem to have a theme.
"You had an eyelash."
Then we both started laughing, me more hysterically than him, because when you're dream-awake, every emotion is intensified. 
"Okay," I said. "Thanks." Then I closed my eyes. But I could feel him staring at me, so I opened them again. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" 
"Just looking at you cuz you're pretty."
"WELL STOP IT! LET ME SLEEP."
Then I closed my eyes. But I could still feel him staring at me. 
"SERIOUSLY! STOP IT! LET ME SLEEP!"
Then I started laughing, and he started laughing.
"WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING?" As if I hadn't just been laughing. 
Then I started crying. I grabbed a blanket, stormed out of the room, and said, "I'm sleeping in the other room."
Jordan chased me into the other room, laughing the whole time, and slowly talked me off the proverbial ledge in that calming way you're supposed to talk to crazy people. "Come on. Don't sleep in here. Come back to bed."
"Well are you going to stop looking at me and let me sleep?"
"Yes. I will."
So we got to bed, and I fell into a hard sleep in not-quite-literally-but-almost 3 seconds. The next morning I remembered the whole thing vaguely, but he had to fill in a lot. And I definitely did not remember trying to make out with him. So weird. 

I don't know what the moral of the story is unless it's that you should be glad YOU don't sleep with me. Because I would probably try to assault you. That, and Jordan is a forgiving person in real life and while I sleep. For this I am glad. 

It appears I might have to make these sleeping update posts a yearly tradition, because as crazy as I used to be, it appears I've given me a run for my money.

Until next year, sweet dreams! 

currently...

currently, i am...

*enjoying: 

less stress at my new job

my previous job was full of daily stress. so much so that it wasn't uncommon for me to have  dreams about authors and plot lines. and not the good kind of dreams. i've been at my new job for just over a week now, and while it is an adjustment, and at times i'm lonely (it's hard to go to a new workplace), i am currently enjoying much less stress. 
when the phone rings, it's not going to be for me. you have absolutely no idea how freeing that is.

*learning: 

how to be content

a few weeks ago, jordan said something that i initially perceived to be hurtful. but in the weeks since, i've thought about it, and i realize he's mostly right. that's par for the course with us. seriously, it's annoying how well he knows me. 


anyway, what he said is that i have a difficult time being content. this conversation was specifically related to my desire to buy a house. i've been living in an apartment since i moved to oklahoma 4 years ago, and now i want my own house. where i can have more than one storage closet and a garage and a yard where i can sit outside whenever the heck i want to. 
but that's not where we are right now, and i need to be content with that. as such, i've been trying to find ways to improve our current living space. even small things like my diy necklace hanger and diy photo frame that i made during my time between jobs have greatly improved my sense of contentedness. 
so jordan, here's an official thanks for calling me out. the truth hurts, and i didn't take what you said well initially, but it's what i needed to hear.  

*inspired by: 

a book i just started reading: 

the happiness project by gretchen rubin

i like resolutions. i like making goals for myself. 

oddly enough, i've already been unknowingly creating my own happiness project. even though i haven't been calling it that, i realize now (after only the first chapter of this book), that that's what i've been doing. but maybe for me it should be titled "the contentedness project." maybe. i don't know. 


i like this book. that's basically what i'm saying. 

*working on:

organizing my apartment

per items 2 and 3 above, i made jordan go through his closet a few days ago, and we got rid of a good number of old t-shirts as well as a few pairs of cargo shorts. and okay, jordan gives me a hard time about how many shoes i have, but good grief! this boy had eight pairs of cargo shorts in khaki, green, and blue. hoarder. 

*indulging in:

leftover birthday ice cream cake 

Patterns of Sleep (or, Ways I Annoy Jordan While Sleeping)

When I first considered the fact that I would soon be sleeping in the same bed as someone else, I wondered if I was an annoying sleeper. I honestly had no idea if I snored or flailed my arms about wildly or kicked my legs or threw my pillows or sleepwalked. I had only a few facts from which to assume that I did none of these things. 

1. My throat usually wasn't sore in the morning, so I probably didn't snore.
2. On family camping trips and friend sleepovers, no one had ever complained about me snoring. 
3. My pillows were all on the bed in the morning, so I felt safe in thinking I didn't throw them.
4. The sheets were, for the most part, straight and neat when I woke up, leaving me to assume that I didn't flail my arms about or kick my legs. 
5. I'd never accidentally cut myself with a knife in the middle of the night, so I could only postulate that I had never sleepwalked to the kitchen to dice myself some fruit for a late-night snack.

Today, March 14, is ten months exactly of sleeping next to someone else (almost) every single night. During that time the proof has been consistently mounting against me, forcing me to arrive at the unfortunate conclusion that despite the evidence listed above, I am an annoying sleeper. An annoying, narcissistic sleeper, to be exact. One night I woke up, rolled over, and said, "It's hard work being me." (Dream me obviously knows what's up.)

I'm also a highly critical dreamer. A few months ago I had a dream--nightmare, really--that someone was chasing us. Jordan claims I woke him up in the middle of the night to say, "You're not very good at hiding." As I blamed him for Dream Amanda and Jordan's inability to escape their pursuer, he was quick to inform me that he was very good at hiding. Whatever that means. I have since wondered if that knowledge should make me suspicious or grateful.

Over the past 3ooish days, I have woken Jordan up in the middle of the night with all sorts of crazy words, shouts, and, perhaps most bothersome, actions. Specifically, flailing of arms and stealing of pillows.


Sometimes, I'm told, I sleep with one hand resting on my forehead, almost in a thinking pose. (I was going to take a picture of me fake sleeping while doing this pose and call it a "dramatic reenactment" like they do in cheesy TV commercials, but I realized that would be awkward and dumb, so you'll just have to imagine it for yourself.) I don't know why it bothers him so much; he says it's because when I move my arm around, it makes a noise that wakes him up. (It took about a day to realize he's an incredibly light sleeper.)

In the morning Jordan will turn to me and say, "You did it again last night."
"Did what?" I ask.
"Your crazy arm thing."
I, of course, never remember doing this, but he tells me that he tries to move my arm down because a) it looks uncomfortable and b) sometimes I hit him when I raise my arm and/or I make a rustling noise when I move it around. 

Two nights ago, he said that after a few failed attempts to take my hand off my forehead--during which time I repeatedly moved my arm back to its original position--he tried to literally pin my arm down underneath him so I'd stop waving it around.


Right after this happened, he said, I gave a snort and rolled completely onto his pillow, effectively pushing him almost off the bed and stealing his covers all in one motion. He poked me in the shoulder to wake me up, and I began laughing so hysterically he couldn't tell if I was laughing or crying. He got annoyed and told me to stop laughing, which made me laugh even harder. Then I got up, poured myself a drink of water, and walked calmly back to bed.


I did not immediately remember this scene upon waking and had to verify it all with Jordan, who confirmed that yes, I had tried to steal his pillow after he attempted to pin my arm down with his butt, and yes, I had become hysterical with a disconcerting combination laugh/cry.


A few times recently I've woken up complaining about a sore throat. To my regret, I've discovered that though I might not snore, I am a heavy breather. Jordan's demonstration of my loud night breathing is hilarious, though maybe that's only because I'm not awake at two o'clock in the morning to hear it.


These are just a few of the many examples I have for all the strange things I have said or done in the middle of the night since we got married ten months ago. I find no end to the comedy; Jordan doesn't find it quite so endearing, for obvious reasons. But the fact of the matter is that I am not the peaceful sleeper I thought I was. At first, this saddened me. But I've since come to embrace it.


I can't say whether I was always like this (because there's been no one to tell me otherwise) or if having a consistent bed buddy has brought the crazy night habits out of me. But it's ridiculous all the same, and since I'm sleeping, Jordan can't technically blame me for it. This fact alone makes it all the more hilarious. Maybe that makes me a horrible person, but if that's the case, I'm sure in time I'll come to embrace that too. Until then, I'll just keep unconsciously annoying Jordan while I'm sleeping.