“Content” was the word I chose for 2015 (you can read my original post on it here), and I’ve been thinking a lot about that lately. The reason I chose content as my focus for 2015 was because as I neared the end of 2014, I felt very discontent. We were coming up on four years in our apartment with no end in sight, saving up for a down payment on a house pretty much since we got married.
After two years of unofficially trying to have a baby (basically by that I mean we weren’t charting things or being intentional about it but we also weren’t preventing), we were going to see an infertility doctor, and every pregnancy announcement caused my heart to sink a little. I felt like I was watching everyone have Big Life Moments while I was treading water.
In my post back in January, I wrote this about what I wanted out of 2015:
This year, I want to wake up every day and be thankful. I want to see pictures of other people's successes and be happy for them without feeling bad that I don't have what they do.
After two years of unofficially trying to have a baby (basically by that I mean we weren’t charting things or being intentional about it but we also weren’t preventing), we were going to see an infertility doctor, and every pregnancy announcement caused my heart to sink a little. I felt like I was watching everyone have Big Life Moments while I was treading water.
In my post back in January, I wrote this about what I wanted out of 2015:
This year, I want to wake up every day and be thankful. I want to see pictures of other people's successes and be happy for them without feeling bad that I don't have what they do.
It’s funny how things work out sometimes.
I was just settling in for the long infertility haul when we found out we were pregnant. I had made my peace with living in our apartment another year when we decided to sign a six-month lease and find a house by the summer.
I was just settling in for the long infertility haul when we found out we were pregnant. I had made my peace with living in our apartment another year when we decided to sign a six-month lease and find a house by the summer.
We are now brand-new homeowners and preparing a nursery to welcome home a baby in just a few weeks. From the outside looking in, it would be easy to say I have every reason to be content. And yet I struggle with this every day, and in some ways I need to focus on being content more than ever.
It's hard to admit that because I just think that's so sad, and it makes me feel really lame. I mean, what kind of a person has so much to be thankful for and yet still struggles with being content?
I know it's overused. I know you've seen it 1,000 times. But I can't find anything better than this C.S. Lewis quote to express why it's so hard to be content.
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We weren't made to be content here. It's really a beautiful truth if you think about it. Maybe you don't struggle with being content, but I do. And if you do too, you aren't alone, and there's nothing wrong with you.
But don't focus on it. Don't focus on the things you don't have. Focus instead on being thankful and realize that finding contentment is really, really hard. It's not something I'm going to master this year, or actually ever; it's something I am going to have to practice for the rest of my life. I think it's been good for me to realize that.
Even when I get what I want (or what I think I want), I'm not ever going to be truly satisfied, because I can and should only find contentment in Jesus. That's what I've been praying about lately and what I will continue to focus on this year and in the years to come.
Did you choose a word for the year? How's it going?
Do you struggle with being content even when it seems like you have so much to be thankful for?
