This is also known as the post where Jordan and Amanda fail at life and you get to laugh at us while we laugh at ourselves. You guys, it's concerning to me how easy it is to find awkward things to write about.
Let's get started.
Awkward: realizing you're wearing two scarves. There are no words, only this picture:
Awkward: going to the bathroom at the end of the work day and realizing your underwear is inside out. I don't know.
Awkward: changing into your pajamas and realizing you were wearing your shirt inside out AND backwards all day. It was a tagless tee, so I'm not that stupid.
But I'm a little stupid.
(Note: this is a different day than the inside out underwear. I don't know if that makes it better or worse. Then again... can it really be better?)
Awkward: your husband is brushing his teeth, and all of the sudden from the bathroom you hear, "Hey! I have pot pie in my beard."
Then you cry a little bit inside.
Then you tell him that if he can't keep himself under control, he should think about shaving his beard.
And the MOST awkward of all that has happened recently...
Let's just say it ended with this:
And let's also say that no one was seriously injured. You should also know that Jordan 100% supports the publishing of this story.
I really wish I could do this story justice in prose, because it's one of the funniest things I've ever seen. However, you probably had to be there to understand just how ridiculous this was.
Two weeks ago, Jordan and I were heading out to dinner because we had a Chili's gift card burning a hole in our pocket. As we walked around the corner of our building, we started racing each other toward the car (because we're five years old). That's when Jordan did a football spin move (because he's five years old).
He misjudged the diameter of his spin, ran into a tree, and fell flat on his back.
When I first saw him on the ground, I thought he was joking. I mean, who runs into a tree and falls down? But then he looked at me, and I saw his face was bleeding! I was concerned initially, of course, and we ran back upstairs to survey the damage. At this point I was doing a weird half laugh half sob. Because it was funny and ridiculous, but he was also bleeding so it was scary.
The lighting is terrible in our bathroom, so I don't know if you can really see all the damage this branch did to his face, so I made a diagram, because apparently I have nothing better to do with my life.
It could have been really bad. As in, he could have literally poked his eye out. His eye was cut both below and above his actual eyeball, and he had a bump on his head, so it's a blessing he didn't hurt himself. HOWEVER, even as I got him a wet washcloth, and he sat down on the couch, neither of us could stop laughing.
We didn't go to dinner, because he was too embarrassed to go outside. He kept saying, "I hope no one saw me!" He even wanted to stay at home and not go to work the next day. It looked like this for a week:
And everyone was like, "WHAT HAPPENED?!"
So he made up a lot of stories like how he was sailing on the lake and the mast hit him in the face or how he got cut in a knife fight defending my honor. But ultimately he had to tell the truth and admit that he ran into a tree, which I personally think is the best story of all.
To be fair, this "tree" was really a death trap waiting to happen. They trimmed some of the mini trees in our complex a few months ago. This is what he ran into:
But still.
Scary horror movie tree or not, who runs into a tree???
My husband, that's who.
And not that this is awkward or awesome, but we both caught the stomach bug last week one after the other. It was kind of like this.
If we're keeping score, these past few weeks it's been like:
Life: 8764932 / Bumgarners: 0
At least we're keeping it awkward. I mean really, if you can't laugh at yourself, what's the point?
