Smash it with a Bible

circa 2007

I may have been responsible for this.

____________________

A few weeks ago, my girl Kate wrote this post about how blogging is weird, because we put so much stuff out there for random strangers to read, so we all feel like we know each other, but really we don't know each other at all.

For real, you guys. I could be a dude.

Think about it.
But really don't think about it.

Anyway, today I'm going to share ten lesser-known facts about The Lady Okie just so maybe you can feel like you know me a little better.

1) I am not a dude.
Very important to start with that one, I think. Just to clear the air.
(Reading this back, I'm not sure why I felt like the fact that I am not a dude is a "lesser-known fact." It's actually very well known.)

2) I am left handed.
Although I bat and throw and bowl right handed, so basically I'm just one of those weird people who uses both hands for things. Sometimes I confuse myself and forget which hand I'm supposed to use for stuff. Very strange. I don't know.

3) I've worn glasses since the fourth grade. My prescription is NEGATIVE 5.5, which means I'm pretty much blind. Without my glasses, everyone and everything are just a bunch of blurry shapes. No, I have not seriously considered LASIK, although I hear I should.

4) I have a cyst on my right wrist that sometimes is quite large and makes my wrist ache, and sometimes I wake up and it's completely gone. And then it comes back. Freaky. My dad had one too on the same wrist! But his went away, and he claims he "pushed it back in." Yeah, okay. To get rid of mine, he suggested I get drunk and let him smash it with a Bible. I said thanks but no thanks.

5) Most of my Oklahoma friends call me Reese. It's a long story, but Reese is my maiden name, so it's not that weird. And actually, I like it a lot.

6) My favorite thing to eat is a BLT. With mayo, of course. And on toasted bread. If the bread's not toasted and there's no mayo, it's really just not even worth eating.

7) I do not like hugs. I will hug Jordan, obviously. And my family. But in general I avoid hugs at all costs. I feel like they're awkward, and I would rather just wave or knock elbows or something. Because clearly knocking elbows is less awkward than a hug.

8) I have six ear piercings. Three in my right earlobe, two in my left earlobe, and one in my left ear cartilage. The top right piercing happened on a missions trip in high school. Someone pierced it using a safety pin and a potato.

9) I am a loud talker. Like, really loud. As in, people regularly have to "shush" me. Also, I am incapable of whispering. I think I have a medical condition. The good news is that I will never be able to talk about you behind your back while you're in the room. Because you will be sure to hear me.

10) I am 5' 7 3/4". I feel very strongly about including the three-quarter inches. I usually round up to 5'8" when asked how tall I am. Jordan is 5' 7 1/2". This was a concern for me initially. One of the stipulations for my future mate was someone who was taller than me, but I figured maybe a quarter of an inch wasn't dropping the bar too low. Literally. (See what I did there?)

* * *

So there you have it! Did you learn anything new about me? 
Hopefully now you feel like you know me better. I would like to take our online relationship to the next level. I think we're ready. Unless there's something else you've always been dying to know about me, in which case ask away!

Here are some questions you can answer if you choose so I can get to know you!

Are you right or left handed?

How tall are you?

How do you feel about hugs?

And last but very much definitely not least.... Are you a secretly a dude?

Polishing Milk and 7 Questions

For my funny picture, I'll refer you to this post, because I refuse to post this picture twice. It's just too terrible.

1. What is your favorite day of the week and why?

I like Fridays, because the work week is over (or almost), and I have two full days of fun ahead of me. 

2. If you decided to change your name, what would you change it to?

The only thing that comes to mind is Reese, since that's what half my friends call me anyway. It's what I'm going to name one of my children some day.

3. What is one product you use (it can be for anything) that you feel is a miracle worker?

I don't use a lot of products. But I do love Redken shine balance anti-frizz polishing milk. It sounds weird, but it's great for decreasing static in your hair after straightening it.

4. High heels, flats, sneakers, or boots?

Sneakers. But they don't look cute a lot of the time, so then I stick with flats.
 

5. You see your favorite celebrity (it can be any kid of celebrity- movie star, singer, writer, political leader, blogger) walking down the street, what do you do?

I would probably pretend I didn't see them until they were already past and then keep turning around to look. That's what happened when a friend and I thought we saw Brad Pitt in Kansas City one time. It wasn't him.

6. If you could pick one item to never have to pay for again, what would it be?

Food. Can that count as one item?

7. What was your favorite TV show or movie growing up?

 I was one of those kids who read all the time, so I don't remember specifically watching on particular TV show or movie. But my brother was obsessed with The Goofy Movie for one entire summer. He promised to watch it at least once every single day. I'm pretty sure that didn't happen.

Chicks, Ducks, and Bunnies (7 Questions)

7 questions time! If you want to join in, head over to Gentri Lee's blog.
First, as always, a random photo that has nothing to do with the questions.  

What a truly terrible picture. I don't know what else to say except please forget you saw that. I'm not sure why I even showed it. Let's move on.


1. If you could have a superpower, what would it be and why?
I would love to be able to fly. Flying would be ridiculously cool. But, being someone who started wearing glasses in the fourth grade, I'd be satisfied with 20/20 vision. I sort of consider that as a type of superpower. Glasses (especially huge ones like I had) are the worst.

2. If you could hold the world record for something, what would it be for and why?
I would love to be a fast sprinter, mostly because I think it would be fun to be really, really fast. 

3. What is the weirdest thing you've ever eaten?
I had alligator bites once. They tasted like chicken. I've also eaten deer burgers, though that probably isn't that weird. 

4. Where would you hide something if you didn't want it to be found?
I'm not sure why I should answer this question....Is this a trick?
Maybe I'm being too suspicious. 

5. What is one of your Spring and/or Easter traditions?
Eating sweethearts chicks, ducks, and bunnies. Around Easter, I like to buy 4 or 5 bags and eat them year round. I also like the Easter songs we sing at church. 

6. Would you rather have to cook dinner from scratch every night, make all of your own clothes (including patterns), or walk everywhere you wanted to go?
These options seems so different from the other that it's hard to choose. I'd pick cooking since I sort of do that anyway. I know for a fact I would be terrible at making my own clothes. Walking wouldn't be that bad either.  

7. What is your most embarrassing moment? 
Let's just say I once translated a Spanish verb VERY incorrectly my junior year of high school. And let's also say that while the entire class (note: even my teacher) started laughing, I still had no idea what I'd said until my friend leaned across the aisle and whispered it in my ear. In the interest of keeping this blog PG, however, that's all I'm going to say. 

I look good in blue (7 questions)

Time for 7 questions!

First, as always, is a funny picture, just for kicks. This lovely photo was taken this past weekend, and I have no idea what's going on with my face (blue steel, perhaps?) or...umm...Jordan? Weirdo.

1. What is your favorite color to wear?


Red is my favorite color ever. Sadly, I can't wear red due to my complexion. I blame my mother for this. I do, however, know for a fact that I look good in greens and blues, so that's what I like to wear. (See: the above photo for evidence of how good I look in blue.)


2. You are given the choice between visiting every country and landing on the moon. Which would you choose?


I will never have the desire to go into space. If going into space meant the difference between life and death, I would choose death. I'm not kidding.


3. What is your favorite animal and why? 


Okay, don't send me angry hate mail or anything, but I'm not the biggest animal person. I don't hate animals, but they just don't really do it for me. I don't know. However, I do like going to the zoo and see the giraffes and zebras. I think it's the stripes. And puppies, of course. Who doesn't love puppies? 


4. You are forced to do one of the following, which would you choose? Sky dive, scuba dive, or this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4B36Lr0Unp4 (a large rope swing)


I went snorkeling once in Hawaii and started hyperventilating when I ran into an eel, so no to that. But I've already been sky diving and wouldn't mind going again. As for the huge rope swing... bring it on. (Just as long as it's not on the moon.)

5. You are given the chance to go back in time. Which era would you visit?


I really like toilets and running water, so I probably wouldn't want to go back too far. But if I could, I'd like to go back in time and stay for a while at Downton Abbey. 


6. If you had the power to remove one thing (ie: flies, mosquitos, junk food) from the earth for good, what would it be?


Remove junk food? What kind of question is this? No, it would most definitely be mosquitoes. They love me for some reason, and I know I'm more allergic to them than most people, because my bites swell up at least twice the size of a normal person's and itch like nothing else. I love summer, but I'm convinced that mosquitoes are Satan's minions.  


7. What is one thing you've learned from Pinterest that made you think "GENIUS"!


After finally getting a pinterest after much harassment from my coworkers, I haven't used it as much as I thought I would. So, sorry, but I don't have anything particularly exciting to contribute to this question. Fail. 

Sittin' on a porch swing (7 Questions)

It's 7 questions time yet again!

This is a chance for you to learn something new about me! Get excited.

First, here's a funny photo of me (just for kicks and completely unrelated to the questions)

This is not me, obviously. I don't have facial hair. This is Jordan. I am hiding behind him, and those are my arms. 

(You probably could have figured that out on your own. I don't know why I explained that.)

Moving on.

1. You're given the choice between a life with love and trials or loneliness and ease. Pick one.

Love will always come with trials, and I don't think loneliness is ever easy. So with that said, I'd choose love. Who wants to be lonely? Alone, sometimes yes. But lonely? Negative. 
  
 2. Would you rather live in Narnia, Hogwarts, Middle Earth, or Neverland?

Are we talking Middle Earth pre or post Sauron? Because that dude was scary. And not to be mean, but I'd rather not run around with tiny Hobbits. If I could be guaranteed the ability to fly, I would hit up Neverland. But then again, I could fly on a broomstick at Hogwarts...
Ah! This is too hard. I basically want to stay in a normal, non-fantastical world where I don't have to worry about winter and rings and you-know-whos and just read about that other stuff. Don't judge.

3. Think of your dream home... what style is it?

A ranch house with a porch swing where I can read all day long. And inside there are built-in bookshelves and a reading seat by a big window, where light streams in and everything is sunny. Oh, and the house has a large kitchen.

4. What's currently your favorite song or album?

Right now I'm obsessed with Lee Brice's "Woman Like You." But country music in general is my favorite.

5. Who was the last person you hugged?

Jordan is the only person I hug on a regular basis. I'm normally not a hugger. By that I mean I will avoid a hug if at all possible. My boss gave me an awkward side hug one time when I ran into him and his wife at ihop one Saturday morning. That was weird.

6. You have a ticket in your hand, where is it going to take you?

Honestly, right now the only tickets I'm thinking about are the ones I need to buy to fly to Chicago this summer. But if I could go anywhere, I'd fly to England. I've never been but always wanted to go.

7. Who is one blogger you KNOW you'd be BFFs with in real life?

This is a difficult and strange question. I don't really like to follow blogs of people I don't think I could be friends with in real life, but saying "everyone" seems like a cop-out. How about I tell you who I want to meet in real life:

Emily Anderson of The Anderson Crew. She has 6 children. Six! She's funny and creative and seems so, I don't know...together, I guess. Of course, I know she's just like anyone else, but is it weird to say I've had a dream about meeting her? Well, weird or not, I have. So that's that. 

Link up with Gentri Lee if you want to answer the questions too!

I didn't go to preschool

I'm joining a blog linkup, because today I'm a procrastinator who complains about how much I have to do but chooses not to do anything about it.

The rules are thus:

A) Post a funny picture of yourself. 

B) Answer the 7 questions. 

So first, funny picture of me: 

I suppose this is funny less because of me specifically and more because of what happened to cause this picture. I was with a group of friends staying in a beach house on Hilton Head island, SC, and let's just say this dishwasher only needed ONE cap of soap. 

The importance of reading directions, people.

1. If you could only eat savory or sweet things for the rest of your life, which would you choose and why?

Sweet. Specifically, vanilla cupcakes and mint chocolate chip ice cream. 

And fruit counts as sweet, right? I wouldn't mind eating strawberries forever. 

2. Would you rather live in the ocean (underwater), in the sky (on a cloud), or in space?

On a cloud for sure. I would never EVER want to live in space. Space is scary. It's dark and large and has black holes and exploding stars. No thank you.

3. Desert, Mountains, Plains, or Tropics?

I want to know who would say desert. Maybe dessert :) 

But seriously, moving to Oklahoma has made me appreciate the plains. Talk about gorgeous sunsets.

4. Would you rather live with chronic pain or the worst pain you can imagine for 24 hours?

I think the worst pain you can imagine for 24 hours would be much better than chronic pain. I'm pretty sure chronic neck pain for your entire life would be terrible. I also like to think I have a high pain tolerance, but I'd rather not test it out.

5. If you had to repeat one of these again, which would it be? Preschool, Elementary, Jr High/ Middle School, High School, College.

First, I didn't go to preschool. It's probably because I was way too smart for those fools. (Or because my parents just never thought about it.) Middle school was the worst thing ever to happen to me, and just thinking about going back to Monroe Middle School is making me want to start crying. (Not really, but seriously.) 

So, I have to go with college. I totally had boy friends (as in, friends that were boys) for the first time ever! It was great. I was able to become a new person and leave my lameness behind.

6. Tribal, Floral, Stripes, or Polka Dots?

Up until a few years ago I would never have said stripes. But I've recently become a fan, so I'll go with stripes for this one.

7. Are you right handed or left handed? 

 Left. And just because that might mean I will die sooner (from the oppression, of course), that doesn't mean I don't live a much more awesome life than right-handed people. Because I do.