Maternity Pictures of Someone Else

I had to put that in the title otherwise everyone would freak out.
I AM NOT PREGNANT. 
This is probably the single most annoying thing about getting married. I say one little thing about feeling slightly nauseous, and everyone starts giving me a knowing look. No, it was just the gallon of ice cream I ate last night at one o'clock in the morning, but thanks for thinking I look like I'm pregnant.

Anyway...

In my quest to practice my photography skills, I have been hunting down anyone who might need pictures taken for any reason. I'm like a less-scary version of the paparazzi. 

This week I got the opportunity to take some maternity pictures for a friend of mine. I had no idea what I was doing and kept apologizing every five minutes. (I really need to work on that.) Nevertheless, my friends were fun and gracious, and the sun was blazing.

Ben and Stacy also have a 16-month-old who did not want to sit still. The following is the best shot I could get of him with his momma like this. I want to get some chalkboards, which will look a lot cuter than pieces of paper. I guess you gotta start somewhere, though.

It was fun taking maternity pictures, and you can be sure I'll be on the lookout for other friends of mine who need pictures taken! I really like photography, and I can only hope I'll keep improving.

Polishing Your Prose, Part 8: The Do and Don't of a Comma

This month I'm bringing you another short but very important grammar lesson concerning commas. Depending on whom you ask, commas are either used too much or not enough. I've seen authors take out commas because they claim there are too many, and I've seen authors add commas because they think there aren't enough. 99% of the time they're wrong.

So in this month's Polishing Your Prose post, I'm going to give you one DO and one DON'T of commas. 

The Do: DO Use Direct Address Commas

When I first started work as an editor four years ago, I didn't know about direct address commas. In my very first book, I actually took out all the direct address commas...and then had to add them back in later once I realized my mistake. So learn now and don't be like me.

A direct address comma is used before a direct address, obviously. It's what you use when you're talking to someone or, directly addressing them. 

Here's an example: 
Hello, Alice! Have you bought any more toilet paper lately? There's a sale at Target on Charmin. 

Okay, that was a weird example. It's just the first thing I thought of. I don't know. 
Anyway... did you notice the direct address comma? It's the one right before Alice.

The direct address comma is seen in dialogue, and when you're writing, you need to make sure and add a comma before and after the name if it applies. Here's an example of what that would look like:

When I ask you to do something, Jordan, I expect an answer immediately.
Or, what about in a letter?
Hello, Mom! How are you? 

Learning how to use a direct address comma correctly will help you polish your prose and be a rung above the rest of the lame grammar fools you know.

The Don't: DON'T Create a Comma Splice 

A comma splice is a basic and common mistake that just means you "spliced" together two complete sentences with a comma. This can be easily fixed by simply replacing a comma for a period, yet it's one of the most annoying comma mistakes I come across. 

The rules of a period are taught pretty much before everything else in, I don't know...first grade? Seriously, people. This is not hard.

A period ends a sentence. Easy enough. So I have to wonder why I see things like this: 

I might cry if I don't get more ice cream, please get me another bowl.

Oh no you didn't. 

What we have here are two complete sentences. 
1: I might cry if I don't get more ice cream. 
2: Please get me another bowl.

A comma should NEVER be used to combine two sentences. If you do, you've just committed a grievous error called a comma splice. Then I cry. So, how do you know if you should use a comma or a period? Ask yourself if you are looking at one complete sentence or two. If it's two, use a period to end the sentence and give yourself a pat on the back. (You could also use a semi-colon, but I don't really want to go into that right now.)

And that's it for now! I've given you a very short overview of direct address commas and comma splices. If you have any questions about either, or just about commas in general, leave a comment and I'll be sure to answer it! *And if you have a suggestion/request for a Polishing Your Prose post, let me know! I have 4 more posts to write until the end of the year!

Now go spread the grammar love, everyone! 

2 Ways Zumba Has Changed My Life

**Note: This post could have been alternatively titled: 
2 reasons you should immediately join a zumba class
or, where I show you embarrassing dance photos

#1: Zumba gave me the opportunity to upgrade my lame signature dance move to something legit. (Read: legit = still lame but not as lame)

I am maybe the worst dancer ever. Everyone who's ever seen me dance makes fun of me, and it doesn't even make me feel bad because they are right. I am awful, and I make fun of myself, so that's saying something either about my humility or my true lack of dance skills. Probably both. 

My signature dance move is some kind of horrible Macarena flashback. I'm wish I were kidding. Actually when I told Jordan what I was writing a blog post about, he responded with: “Are you going to talk about your dance move?” Then he started doing it in the middle of the kitchen.

Exhibit A--Macarena:

Notice how I'm basically all by myself, and my friend Alison (the bride) is just staring at me. Awkward. 

But I'm in a tough spot, really. It's seriously either the dance move or I'm standing on the outside of the circle looking confused because my mind has gone blank and I can't think of anything else to do. 

Exhibit B--Confused Face:

I suppose I should label my confused face a possible scared face as well. Or, frozen in time, perhaps? (And we're not going to talk about what else is going on in this picture. Just don't worry about it.)

The last half a year of attending a Zumba class once a week has revolutionized the meaning of the phrase dance party for me. Instead of people looking at me and thinking, "Hey, who's that weirdo making a gangsta face?" it's, "I want to steal those sexy dance moves."

Okay it's not really like that.
I'm still the worst dancer ever. BUT, at least I'm more confident. Because I'm in a zumba class that's a hip-hop hybrid, so I've got moves for all the popular songs. Now I can mix in my signature move with other moves so it's not so obvious. The dance floor is now a blank canvas. 

Granted, my new moves are all for arm and leg toning. But who doesn't need to do a few squats on the dance floor every now and then? 

#2: The Shimmy

Before I started Zumba, I could shimmy just as well as any other white girl. Which means I couldn't shimmy at all. But with all these Zumba songs that are all about the shimmy, I've slowly improved so I'm only like 90% white now.

Word, sista. 

So, to conclude, Zumba isn't scary. It's fun! And if you're worried about being bad and looking stupid, don't. Take heart knowing that there will always be someone with worse coordination than you. Case in point: the lady in my class who can't seem to figure out that everyone else is going to the left while she's going to the right. Just don't be that person, and you're golden. 

Well, don't be left-right lady or the girl who never wears an appropriate bra or uses a hair tie. I mean, seriously, who doesn't use a hair tie to work out? And who wants their ladies bouncing all over the place? 

[Here's the part where I write an anonymous letter to the annoying, too-tan Zumba girl]

Dear long-haired Zumba girl, 

When you don't put your hair up into a ponytail, it bothers me. I can see the band on your wrist, so I know you have a hair tie. Do you just like it getting in your face? And also, why do you think a hot-pink bra is a good choice for Zumba class? 

It isn't.
Love, Me

So to conclude, just know your left and right and use a hair tie, and you will soon have more dance moves and be on your way to an upgraded shimmy. Hallelujah.